Of Course This Happened

 I say "Of course this happened," but I don't mean it like "guh, this shit again." I mean it in the way that Metta World Peace has lived a life tailor-made for being ridiculed by Taiwanese weirdos that live inside computers.

 On a side note, if they made their depiction of the Malice at the Palace into a video game, in which you can play as Austin Daye (*cough* not on the team at the time *cough*) shooting Michiganders with a flame-spewing ray gun, while babies that look like Hillary Clinton huck molotov cocktails at you, I would buy that game.

JJ Barea and Ron Artest have an exchange.

JJ Barea: Hey Ron!


Ron Artest: Hey, what's up, JJ?


JJ Barea: Your momma's so stupid, that...

Ron Artest's impression of Dave Chappelle's impression of Rick James always makes Kobe laugh.

"Hey Robin Lopez, what did the five fingers say to the face?!"

This picture was just entirely too great not to post. Why not make it a caption contest? Go for it.

UPDATE! MOTHERFUCKING UPDATE! Because THIS happened.

"Now you see kids, Ron did a very good thing by coming to me first to tell me that he broke the window. Thank you, Ron, now you go play with the blocks while the grown ups clean it up."

IMPORTANT THINGS INVOLVING RADIO

Ron Artest happened.

After the Rockets beat the Lakers last night, Ron Artest called a radio station, impersonating Luis Scola.







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GRH Art Gallery: Family 1st Edition

[Press play]


Good evening. Welcome to the Ghost of Roy Hobbs Art Gallery. Today we feature an exhibit from one of the most enigmatic personalities of the world we occupy. We are fortunate enough to have obtained for the collection for the time being. Please. Move slowly, so as to best soak in the majesty and importance of each piece.

Oh, and don't forget to sign the visitor's book at the front desk. If you are interested, we have a very helpful e-newsletter that we... no? Ok, fine. Maybe later.

For now I give you the wonders of Ron Artest, unfiltered, unabashed, unhidden.


















Queensbridge, bitches.


FIN

Brillaince is using your fade as a canvas

This amazing infographic from howtowatchsports gives the complete rundown of the different hairstyles sported by Ron Ron during the Los Angeles Lakers championship season. Now they need to put out a book of Dennis Rodman's career.

I would just like to take the remaining space to mention that without Ron Artest,* Kobe Bryant would never have one another championship.

*'Ron Artest' may be substituted by any other member of the Laker organization. It's a team sport when you go 6-24 in game 7, homeboy.

Friday Afternoon Fun Bag!

Hi motherfuckers. We're partying with models like Wesley Sniejder this weekend. Into the pool, bitch.

Icehouse is also not wearing underwear. Let's get it on.

First up in this funbag, we gots probably the one video that blew up the internet the most this week. Enjoy, probably again.


And of course, the other biggest video of the week. If your registered in Tennessee, please vote for him.


I think that all Hobbers need to step up their game. Not that I don't love each and every one of you, I'm just saying that this brochacho has a little more steez than what I'm seeing here. Catch the beer, Hobbers. Catch the beer.


Eeek! Spiders!


Chris Kaman has got to be one of the only NBA players that I don't want to hang out with. Because he's ugly, you see, and Icehouse has a reputation to uphold. However, we do share a lot of the same tastes. Fireworks and Sleigh Bells, to be specific.


Hipsters. Ron Artest. Dodgeball. Family 1st. Queensbridge.


That's it. Icehouse is out of here. If you're near the ocean, come find me.

Friday Afternoon Fun Bag!

Stephen Gerrard here. I like to play footy. I also like to get blackout drunk and punch people. But look at me face! So pretty! I'll never walk alone!

Ok fine. WOO. Short week! It's all over! We are now barreling face-first into summer sweetness.

Let's get to it.

First and foremost, Nike put out this ad that debuted last night on the finals. Andre 3000 remakes the Beatles. Kobe haters, your shoe is Adidas. Enjoy.


Say Queensbridge!


I am woefully unimpressed by this Japanese screaming contest.


His name is Evan. He's a teen werewolf.


It's a good thing this video has been on every single web site this week, because I could watch it over and over again.


It's odd. I hate both of these bands, but this mash-up is awesome.


Lattimer and I have already ordered this video, and will be ready for NBA training camp in the fall.


Ok. Fucking right. Good shit, everybody. See you out there.

/pats all of your asses

Caption Contest!

Ron: Ok Carlos, on three. 1... 2... 3... BREAKDANCE!

or...

Ron: Now is when I ninja kick the shit out of you. I'm hood!
Carlos: Not if I kick you first!

or...

Carlos and Ron have successfully hypnotized Joe Alexander.

Holy shit, what is happening here? Image via Team Flight Allstars

Ron Artest has written a letter to Tiger Woods.

Ron Artest has been vilified for almost a decade now. Most casual fans will only remember the Malice at the Palace. To those people, you all should just listen to what the man has to say. He keeps it real. Sometimes too real.

He has an opinion on Tiger Woods, and has decided to write an open letter to him. It is published in it's entirety below.

Dear Tiger,
In reading the statements you have made, I can tell you are a stand up guy. Please remember only Jesus is perfect. You made a mistake and you admitted your infidelity.
I have made the same mistakes. Before I got married to my wife, I had a baby with another young lady, after I already had two by my girlfriend who is now my wife. We also had another baby which makes three for us and four for me. Two boys and two girls.
My wife is a much better wife than I am a husband. We still argue and disagree after being together 16 years. and I still cope with the fact that there are so many women out there and I choose to stay loyal to my wife.
I want to be home every night, but with traveling I can't, and sometimes I might want to go to a bar or club and be one of the fellas. Most of the time I stay in, because I have my kids and wife.
I cannot sit here and say the thought to have many women has never crossed my mind. If I were Jesus I could.
I have known my wife for 16 years- since I was 14 years old.
She was my first.
On the way to 2010 we had many ups and downs on the way, mostly my fault. But I really choose to work hard and play ball to support her and my kids. The same reason you are building your legacy.
I have been disturbed by this because there are many people who are happy that this bad news has come out.
There are a lot of sports announcers and regular reporters who are not perfect in their own homes, yet they want to bring you down.
You have done so much for people, the sport of golf, and your family and you gave your wife a life that people can't even dream of.
I thought you were 36 or 37 until I read the news today. A 33-year-old man who has been a model citizen with so much at stake. This is your first publicly known issue since you started your career, compared to my 50 or more publicly known issues and mistakes.
You have been the perfect role model for me and my sons for longer than anyone I have known.
With the exception of a few legends.
As your fan, I can't wait to see you golf again.
And us athletes know how much you personally love your family.

One love,
Ron Artest
This is just a fan mail letter to Tiger Woods fans and indirectly to Tiger himself.
Please, everyone support Tiger in these tough times for his family.

Also if you are a sports announcer or regular everyday reporter or blogger please step up like Tiger and tell your wife or husband if you have any skeletons in your closet. Especially if you were one of the few attacking TIGER!!
One Love People

Ron Artest articulated my feelings on the matter better than I've been able to. Hopefully this is not the last time this happens.

Friday Afternoon Fun Bag!

Kobe and Ron. They totally want to make out.

Shit. It's on now. Shit could get crazy. CRAZY I SAY. Ok. On with it.

First up, we have Ghostface reading us a ghost story. BECAUSE IT'S HALLOWEEN! THE GAYEST OF THE FAKE HOLIDAYS.


In America, Batman prevents crime. In France, Manbat commits crimes.


There will be a class taught at Harvard next year on season 4 of the Wire. In honor of that, we give you Omar Little.


More Halloween awesomeness. More from Warming Glow.


The Wizards have way too much flavor. They are awesome.


And in the HolySHIT of all HolySHITs this week, Ron Artest raps about Afghan Women. Ron Artest is just the best. The world is better for him.


YES! TIME TO PARTY!

THE NBA IS BACK

NO MORE BULLSHIT LIKE THIS! NO MORE FUCKING SPECULATION! THEY ACTUALLY PLAY BASKETBALL GAMES THAT MATTER TONIGHT!

Yes. YES. Break out your beers, pick your favorite goon-ass role-player and drink every time he does something. I call JaVale McGee (His Wizards tip off against the Mavericks at 8:30 ET. It's not on nationally).

We also get our first look at the NBA's version of Yankees-Red Sox! The first look at Shaq and LeBron (Shabron if they win, LeBraq if they lose) against the Celtics. OMG! SHEED! Rondo wants a new contract, KG says he's healthy, Paul Pierce still thinks he's the best player in the world, Glen "Big Baby" Davis is out indefinitely after breaking his thumb in a fight, and Jesus Shuttlesworth is himself. DID I MENTION THAT RASHEED WALLACE IS ON THAT TEAM?!

The Clippers get to begin their existential blight of a season without #1 pick Blake Griffin, since he broke his kneecap. Still gotta tune in to the late game, though. They're playing Kobe, Pau, Lamar, RON GODDAMN ARTEST and the rest of the Kardashians.

Elsewhere in Fox Sports local land, we have the playoff match up of the Rockets and Blazers. Lamarcus Aldridge just signed a big extension for the boys from PDX. Tracy McGrady and Yao better pray that Trevor Ariza is half as good as Artest was for them, or they could be looking at not even making the post season.

YES! SPORTS ON TV DURING THE WEEK!

Lamar Odom to Wed Common Prostitute

Lamar Odom is apparently attempting to disprove a theory, and actually turn a Kardashian into a housewife. Lamar must still be reeling from his success in disproving the "Kobe is a ballhog" theory. To his credit, that took quite some doing, and ended quite impressively with two trips to the finals and one ring. If these pending nuptials do result in a lasting and loving relationship, it will become clear that Lamar Odom is less a basketball player, and more a reformer of men, whose time and efforts would better have been spent counseling criminals.

I'm not trying to be cynical, but let's look at what each brings to the table.
Lamar:
-Music and film production company
-Clothing company
-Emotional baggage
-Millions of self-made dollars
-Ron Artest
-Was a member of the greatest Los Angeles Clippers team ever assembled
-Phil Jackson's Zen and Yoga classes
-May or may not be Nicolas Anelka
-Defense
-Rebounding
-Passing
-Outside shooting
-NBA Championship
-NBA Championship trophy made entirely of candy

Khloe (Shit, she even spells her name wrong!):
-Sluttiness
-Slutty sisters
-Slutty mom
-Paparazzi

The bottom line is that I like Lamar Odom. I really feel for the guy. He's been through more hard times and suffered more personal losses than anyone ever should, and he's always come through better for it. Lamar Odom deserves someone with personality and class. Not someone famous for having a sister who got famous for a sex tape. You know what a sex tape is? Porn that you don't get paid for. Pro bono ho. I'm just saying, I hope Lamar calls Reggie Bush and mulls it over a little bit.

Friday Afternoon Fun Bag!

This is the third time I've prominently featured Joakim Noah in a blog post. You win, universe.

Short week is over. Whoop-de-doo. This week sucked. All I've been doing is staring at cloud after cloud roll in. Wack.

So anyways, let's hit this shebangabang and bounce.

Anybody that knows me knows that I've got a hardon for Explosions in the Sky. Normally I'm sick of all fall commercials on ESPN by October, but I think I'll be able to stand this one until at least November.


Here's the most fucked up thing that the internet has this week. Unlike Christmas Ape over at Kissing Suzy Kolber, I will tell you that the clip is NSFW.


Maybe the funniest video to have "Let the bodies hit the floor" as the backdrop for.


Ron Artest singing Celine Dion. If something can turn Starbury back towards sanity, it could be this. A New Yorker who has way more street cred clowning on him.


Aaaaaaand a reminder for this weekend. Get off your asses and work out.

See more funny videos and Technology Videos at Today's Big Thing.

Ron Artest's past haunts us all.

Holy dogshit. Really? Really?

I wonder if Kobe really knows who he's messing with. I highly doubt that anything like that ever happened at Kobe's private school in Italy.

And just because Rafer was mentioned in the video above, and because I've always wanted to bitchslap Eddie House, here it is again for you viewing pleasure.

NBA Playoffs: Round 2

They're coming, they're coming, they're coming.

Yes infuckingdeed, it's been a crazy couple of weeks. Lots of fun. Lots of dunks, lots of great games. This is seriously the best time of the year. Even TNT stepped up their game by adding Chris Webber to what was already the best talking head crew in television.

Anyways, despite the fact that most of the teams I wanted to win ended up losing, I'm still having a great time. I could really do without another viewing Charles Barkley, Magic Johnson and Julius Erving in that one T-Mobile commercial, though.

SO

More of what I want to happen, less of what is going to happen:

EASTERN CONFERENCE:

(3)Orlando Magic v. (2)Boston Celtics
-Magic. It was nice to give Jesus, PP, and the Kid a ring. It really felt ok to give them one, they earned it. But they have theirs now. They don't really deserve a second one. Individually, sure, but this? It just feels dirty. The Magic have been the dark horse for plenty of time now. As a fan, I deserve to see a few more games of Dwight and Shard.

(4)Atlanta Hawks v. (1)Cleveland Cavaliers
-Normally I'll root for the underdog. Normally I'll root for Josh "J-Smoove" Smith and Joe Johnson. But normally, they're not in the second round of the playoffs playing against a newly minted MVP in LeBron James. Sorry Hawks. Hope you can snake one, but I doubt it. I don't see the Cavs losing too many games before the finals. Better luck next year.

WESTERN CONFERENCE:
(6)Dallas Mavericks v. (2)Denver Nuggets
-Nuggets. Because Mark Cuban should never have talked shit to JR Smith in the first place. Some people don't like seeing JR pop 28 ft. shots when the Sticky Nuggs are blowing out a team, but I'm going to relish seeing him do it this series. If the Mavs can somehow call "backsies" on the Kidd trade, have Dirk be the 6th man coming off the bench, and burn Erica Dampier down for the insurance money, I'll be a Mavs fan.

(5)Houston Rockets v. (1)Los Angeles Lakers
-I'd love to see the Rockets win. In my mind, they match up pretty well, too. Nobody stops Kobe, but Ron Artest is one hell of a speed bump, plus he's been playing great. Yao eats Pau's lunch for fun, and I don't have enough respect for Andrew Bynum to say that he'll bother Yao much, now that Yao has discovered his mean streak. Couple that with lightning-quick Aaron Brooks, Kyle Lowry flying in for fun, and the kaleidoscope of forwards the Rockets can throw at them, it's feasible. Not likely, but what the hell.

PLAYOFFS ARE NIGH!!

Here's hoping that this happens again, for some reason.

YES! The second season is upon us! GODDAMN RIGHT! I've decided that this year, I'm going to give what I want to have happen, series by series.

EASTERN CONFERENCE:
(1) Cleveland Cavaliers v. (8)Detroit Pistons
-Cavs. Because of Bron. Sorry, Sheed.

(2)Boston Celtics v. (7)Chicago Bulls
-Bulls. If KG isn't playing, then I have literally no incentive to give a fuck about this Boston team. Suck shit.

(3)Orlando Magic v. (6)Philadelphia 76ers
-Magic. Because Rashard Lewis is what Andre Iguodala will be.

(4)Atlanta Hawks v. (5)Miami Heat
-Hawks. Because Miami are some smarmy fucks ever since winning the championship. Also, the Hawks are fucking badass.

WESTERN CONFERENCE:
(1)Los Angeles Lakers v. (8)Utah Jazz
/sighs
//takes pull of whiskey
-Jazz. I never thought I'd ever pull for the Jazz for any reason, but here it is. Deron Williams is awesome, Ronnie Brewer is VERY fun to watch, and Carlos Boozer has a hilarious habit of shouting obscenities where microphones can hear him.

(2)Denver Nuggets v. (7)New Orleans Hornets
-Push. The most "QUIEN ES MAS GANGSTER" matchup I've ever seen. This is the fucking tits. Tyson Chandler, JR Smith, Carmelo Anthony, Chauncey "Gorzo the Mighty" Billups, Chris "Birdman" Andersen, AND the best point guard in the league all going at each other? Break out the bottle of Tanqueray, put on some soul music and let the flavor happen. If I have to decide, Nuggets, because of Homerism.

(3)San Antonio Spurs v. (6)Dallas Mavericks
-Spurs. Because Robots > Nazis. And Homerism.

(4)Houston Rockets v. (5)Portland Trailblazers
-Blazers. This one was really tough. I'd love to see the Rockets make it out of the first round, just to spite T-Mac (and because Ron Artest, Luis Scola, and Kyle Lowry are awesome), but I've always loved the Blazers. I can't explain it. However, LaMarcus Aldridge, Brandon Roy, Travis Outlaw, Grandpa Greg Oden, and the Spanish Mafiosos speak for themselves.

OK. Phew. That was tougher than expected. We'll see how these turnout, hopefully I won't be that sad.

Also, it's Lattimer's birthday. Wish him a happy one in our comment sections, because he's probably on his fourth Vodka and Whey Protein drink at this point, and will be out of commission until we have more information.

Caption Contest!

"You see baby, Ron Artest only smokes the finest blunts- I mean cigars."

or...

Girl in the foreground: "HEY! Don't take P. Diddy's picture without his permission!"

or...

"RON ARTEST FARTED! YOU HEAR ME?! LOOK HOW ANGRY I AM!"

Look, it's Ron Artest, some ho, some dude, and some crazy looking ho in the foreground. If you can't come up with a better caption than these, you can go to hell.

UPDATE: We had some solid comments on this one. It was honestly hard to choose. While I'm biased to myself, commenter "Brian" had one post referencing Ron's penchant for domestic violence, and then an enormous paraphrasing of the last verse of Eminem ft. Dr. Dre "Guilty Conscience." At the risk of creating a downpour of paraphrased rap verses, Brian's Guilty Conscience wins. But he loses points for not changing the line to include that Ron Artest is from Queensbridge, NY, not Compton.

Friday Afternoon Fun Bag!

"What the fuck's a Chuck Liddell?"

Yeehaw. Slap hands, everyone, it's Friday. And although it's cold outside, it's still a sexy one.

Ok, so we know that Ron Artest is cray cray. We know this. But when he starts talking, it's impossible to not listen to him. So... yeah. He put out a video of himself hanging out on his porch, talking shit about the rapper Status Quo, defending fellow baller Greg Oden. I guess Artest was bored and need a rap beef.

Ski crashes are hilarious. Pros crashing makes it really, really hilarious. And a montage of a whole lot of really bad ones? Well, I don't think I need to tell you.

I like soccer. I also really hate it when people try disrupt televised sports, regardless if it's turning off the tv, standing in front of the tv, or saying stupid things while I am looking at the tv. So while this guy is flying in the face of all of that, I still think it's hilarious. Also, it's something bizarre from Europe.

This blog is pro-Timberlake. We feel that he is a fantastic entertainer, and is a homeboy from Memphis. He also looks great in a one-piece.

You know what's fun? Shooting kids with paintballs. And watching them freak out about it.

Ok. Hurry up, clock. I gots to get out of this place.