Nike Futbol and the World Cup

We knew that Nike Football was going to bring the pain in commercial form for the World Cup. I had seen tidbits earlier, and today got treated to the video above.

It's good It's no Take It To The Next Level or Freestyle, but what is? I personally love Rooney with the beard. He should rock that. Also, they couldn't get a Brazilian besides Ronaldinho? You know, a Brazilian that's actually playing in the World Cup?

Thoughts? Likes? Dislikes? Comments section.

GRH On Location: Mexico v. Haiti

They should have sent a poet. They sent Icehouse instead.

GRH On Location. Quarterfinals, Concacaf Gold Cup.

From my office, I have watched this damn thing be built. I’ve been dreaming about it for more than a year now. Opportunities have existed to go to it. Tours have been available. George Strait performed there. Heck, the Jonas Brothers have been in this stadium already. But like the Jonas Brothers, I wanted my first time to mean something. Something real.

Then comes the Concacaf Gold Cup. Two quarterfinals games to be played in Cowboys Stadium. I’m not going to lie here, the Gold Cup isn’t the best footy in the world. Any players that are on European club sides are nowhere to be found. What you end up with are bunch of dudes that are playing for both a bigger rep and national pride; two things that make for a slugfest.

That all pales in comparison to one fact: Cowboys Stadium is mankind’s greatest edifice. It is a palatial playground of kings. It is an offering to God, with a caveat. It says, ‘you may be the creator of all things natural, but THIS IS OURS.’

Going to soccer games, like every sporting event, are great communal activities, where you can join with your neighbors and scream your guts out. I don’t think I need to remind our readers that soccer isn’t the biggest sport in the United States. The MLS is a fledgling underleague, and Team USA, despite recent success, only drew around 30,000 to the Lincoln Financial Field in Philadelphia for their Saturday night victory. Mexico, on the other hand, loves them some fútbol. They always come out en masse. Check the tape of any recent Mexico v. USA game. Off the top of my head, games in Chicago, San Diego, Salt Lake and Houston all featured heavily Mexican fanbases. I would like to take this opportunity to point out that it is fucking pathetic when one nation’s fans show up more than the home nations. FIX YO FANDOM, AMERICA!

Having said that, the game on Sunday was in Texas, which was founded by Mexico, and was a veritable Mexican home game. HOLYSHIT. You like sports, motherfucker? Do you? Because you have to love the shit out of sport to go to Los Tri soccer game. This was my first international cap of any kind, though I did have the good fortune of falling in with the Deportivo Cruz Azul crowd back when the Icehouse was Casahielo and hung his hat down south.

Anyways, these cats love their country, and they love this sport. They were all abouts it. There were 82,252 in attendance for this event. That’s right. I said it. They came to rock, too. From my rough estimation, there were:
• 65.63% - Los Tri gear
• 34.35% - various Professional Mexican gear
• 00.02% - Cowboys gear (it’s a home game. Y’heard?)
• 1 pink polo, worn by Trae, my accomplice


One of the best parts about this crowd is that they love ‘The Wave.’ I love ‘the wave.’ It’s probably my favorite fan gathering phenomenon. They love it more than I do, possibly. There were people in my section that were actually cheering in anticipation of the ripple effect of standing and screaming arriving. Imagine a slow crescendo of “hey…hey…hey…Hey. Hey. Hey. HEYHEYHEY WOOOOOO!” It was fucking great.

As for the game itself, it was pretty great. The first goal came off of a rebound from a botched stutter-step of a PK.

Miguel Sabah charged and flushed.

The second goal came from one of Mexico’s youngsters. Giovani dos Santos turned with his left foot and drained one in the upper 90. It was fabulous. Sabah scored again with a flying header off of a corner in the second half. But then, in the 82nd minute, substitute Pablo Barrera blasted a one-timer off his right hoof into Haiti’s net for a righteous goal that sent me and the drunks around me into quite the tizzy.

At the 75th minute, I began to see paper airplanes rain down out of the upper deck. Then more. Then a whole lot more. Then more than paper airplanes than I thought were possible. This was also around the time that Trae bought a delicious cheese steak. The food and drink at Cowboys Stadium, while expensive yet on par with virtually every other pro arena, were righteous.

Leaving the stadium, there were carts selling wares that were more indicative of Mexico than Arlington, which just added to the flavor. Getting out was easy enough, but there seemed to be a large amount of people that seemed to be congregating at or near the underside of bridges. Trae referred to them as the ‘bridge and tunnel crowd.’ I guffawed heartily.

All in all, pretty successful. I loved every second of it. The next step is getting Stovall down here for the Texas A&M v. Arkansas game.

Friday Afternoon Fun Bag!

Matthew Stafford: Drunk and gay.

Yes! Friday!

It's sunny, warm, and time to fiesta, right? Right? You know it is.

So first and foremost, we've kind of had a Shaq-a-palooza recently. I can't really help myself. If he was less enigmatic, we wouldn't do it. Case in point, how many times have we featured Zydrunas Ilgauskas? Exactly.


So anyways, since it's Friday, and therefore time to party, I think it's time we show what can only be described as one hell of a party where none of the guests have that good of a reason to be hanging out together. All I know is if you show up to a party and Russell Simmons is at the door, it's your lucky night.


On second thought, Garnett is a huge soccer fan. Maybe him and Beckham actually do hang out together and do silly shit like this all day.


Ok, so dodgeball is fun. Dodgeball with different-sized balls is really fun. Dodgeball with different-sized balls and different-sized people? I don't think I need to explain.


And finally, Andy Kaufman, Jerry "The King" Lawler, and David Letterman. It doesn't get much better in the realm of formulas for funny.


Let's get it, y'all. Let's get it done.

Friday Afternoon Fun Bag!

I really hope that Barkley didn't run the stop sign for Bavetta.

WOO! Friday in tha muhfuckin' hizouse. It's cloudy here. Wack. Who cares? We're going to have fun this weekend!

And as you can see above, we at GRH are in the Valentine's Day spirit also. All I know, is when Saturday night rolls around, if the girls aren't sitting at home wondering why Johnny Closetgay hasn't called them, they're going to be out, and they're going to be on the prowl. AMIRIGHT?!?!

So anyways. Kevin Garnett used to be my favorite player. While he's on a team now that I can hardly bring myself to support (Boston fans are the worst of the worst), I still love him. Here's why.


I used to have a pretty exciting life. Now I sit in an office. But anyways, some people out there still kick ass, to the point that if I show up to work with a wingsuit on, you better believe I'm jumping out of a window around lunch.


The Boondocks is a great show. Not just because of their sick original rap songs, but because it is a finger on the pulse of America. America's pulse, at times, involves dunking on Yao Ming.


This music video won't let me embed it on our site. Cowards. But seriously, I can't really set this video up, you just kind of have to watch it. Unless your sensibilities get offended easily. Or maybe even then, what the hell do I care. I'm not sure if this is NSFW. I really don't know what to say about it.

Commenter Brian is a GRH favorite. We all know this. Time to give a little love back and feature him, getting steezy.


Ok, lots of fun today. Can't wait for tonight. Can't wait for tomorrow, either, lots of soccer on. Let's go. Fuck yes.

American Football Player's First Foray Into Fútbol Wildly Unsuccessful.

To apologize for not having a Fun Bag this week, I give you a bonus caption contest.

Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood.

Friday Afternoon Fun Bag!

Wooo! Partaayyy! Steve Nash likes to show off his chest at parties.

Another week in the book, y'all. It was all kinds of fun all around. Now we get to have even more fun. In blog form!

First off, the Olympics are all well and fun, but how are we not including this sport? Or this one? Or this one?

Furthermore, remember when Chuck E. Cheese was called Showbiz Pizza? No? Well, it doesn't matter. All you need to know is that someone that works there now has way too much time on their hands.

Anyways, now that the days are getting shorter, that means winter is approaching. Unfortunately, I'll probably be where I am right now instead of watching people like Simon Dumont do crazy/stupid/funny things like this.

Remember the dunk that put Fred Weis out of work? Well, this being an election year, some enterprising dude has taken it upon himself to memorialize the epic dunk heard round the world with a new and improved vision for America.

And of course, in case you missed it, the Spanish basketball squad isn't making too many friends in China. At least Pau doesn't have a Chinese teammate. WHOOPS, The Lakeshow signed Sun Yue!

Anyways, Season 5 of The Wire came out on DVD, USA Basketball plays those racist Iberian fucks tomorrow at 10am Eastern, and STILL the best thing to happen to me is the fact that the English Premier League returns tomorrow! Huzzah for all!

Another Best Sports Commercial

This one might take the cake.

Seemingly, Guy Ritchie is the world's most famous ad director, because that's all he really does these days.

Nike tapped Ritchie to do this ad (they are essentially a series, but the several different parts make up the whole), a first-person account of the highlights when one makes an astronomical rise in the land of European Soccer. In addition to several famous footballers (Ronaldinho, Cristiano Ronaldo, Wayne Rooney, Rafa Marquez, etc.) and one famous coach (Arsenal's Arsene Wenger), by watching this commercial, you get to experience the highs and lows of America's least favorite sport.

A couple of things I like are Cesc Fabregas kissing the viewer, the double thumbs-up at the pool party, the fact that the main character is Dutch, and of course the cyclical nature of the ad in it's entirety.

This commercial is so fucking cool it warrants more than one viewing.