"Who's ready to get fucked?!"

Yeah, I'm back, bitches!

Did you pansies have fun piddling around with each other while daddy was gone? I sure hope you did, because that shit is over and done with, faggots. Tiger is back, and he is ready to fuck all of you.

You see this shaft right here? It's just aching to smack you guys in the face for doubting me. These balls? Well, let me tell you, I'm going to put these balls places that you only WISH you could put your balls.

You're going to be in awe of what I'm about to do. I'll hook you, fade you, make that shit BITE! I'm going to start of ravenous on the front, but just you WAIT until I get to the backside.

Sure, try and handicap Tiger. Just shows how scared you are of this beast. You think backing me up is going to prevent me from muscling myself in exactly where I want? You forgot how long and accurate I am. Foolish of you.

I'm not fucking around with any of the untrimmed stuff, either. I'm putting it right where I want it. In the trimmed and manicured or get the fuck out, YAKNOWWHATIMSAYING?!

NO ONE SWINGS LIKE TIGER!!!

Wait, wait, that came out wrong. Let me start over...

[Image via WithLeather]

Monday Morning S--t Storm!!!

Lot's of Shit Storm ideas, I just have to remember them.

Ok so during Easter you eat a lot and typically there is some type of decoration. Only reason I mention this is to try to justify this storm.


(h/t Warming Glow)

I feel like there are always discussions on the most attractive Food Channel/travel channel personality. The crazy thing about this is that people are extremely loyal to their favorites. For instance here is a conversation I recently heard.

girl 1: I can't stand Anthony Bourdain, such a pretentious asshole.

girl 2: You shut your mouth Bourdain is the sexiest man in the world.

So for this shit storm we need to have the definitive debate on the most attractive personality on TV. Now, I use the term attractive because it could mean many things. For example Sandra Lee is very milfy, but she also makes these delicious looking cocktails with umbrellas in them. You see, her decor adds to the attractiveness.

The rules:
1. I would like to keep this to food/travel network type personalities. I understand there may be some channel crossover, but try to keep it within the parameters.
2. Reality show judges only, no contestants. (Yes Padma is in play)
3. BBC is in play.
4. Retired/no longer on TV is in play.
5. Male and Female divisions, and obviously we can multiple votes for each personality.

(I also should not have to say this, but there is zero homerism component to this shit storm)

Ok onto my selection.

Giada De Laurentiis.


Some people get annoyed with her over prouncing all the eeeeeeeeeetalllllain foods but I think it only adds to the show. Between her chicken tetrazinni and her smashing of garlic I'm utterly captivated. She also studied in Rome so you know she's legit.

Ok let's do it. Begin the foodgasm.

Caption Contest!

Three more photos! They're crazy!

Barkley: "Hey, glad you could make it. Did you have any trouble finding the place? Good. Do you need anything to drink? Are you comfortable? Great. Ok. Here's the deal. I have several fragrances here. Your job is to figure out which one I squirted where."


Yao: "Eee! Eeeheeheehee! It's ticklier than when Luis Scola used to do that!"


Hannah Storm: "It's OK Hakeem, the camera is only going to focus on the shoulders up, the folks at home won't be able to see that I'm grinding on you. Mmm, that feels nice, doesn't it? I know that you like it, Hakeem. You know, Jerry's my cameraman both on and off the court, if you get my drift."
Olajuwan: *thinking* "Quick, make up an excuse about Ramadan to get out of this. Bitch is crayzeeeeeee!

Ok. Kind of got some weird ones here. So uh... have at it. Seriously, whatever pops into your heads. Just go nuts.