The Gideon Files

Blake Gideon is a Junior Safety at the University of Texas. While he may lead the team in effort, he continues to be a baffling display of what NOT to do while playing safety. Off the field, it only gets worse.

'Sup, bitches? BG in the house. All up in your shit like I'm leaving bibles on your dresser. HAHA! You like that? You see, the Gideons are a group of people that leave bibles in hotel rooms or some shit. But just because we share the same name doesn't mean I'm one of them. That's the joke! YOU GET IT, MOTHERFUCKER?! Yeah you do. Shit yeah you do.

So what's been up? Oh yeah! Summer, brah, summer. It's been a real treat. Hittin' up the lake on the regular, I got some grades back from some classes I was supposed to show up at, and totally aced them. I'm so fucking smart.

The whole summer's been a blast. I saw Cedric Benson down on West Sixth over Memorial Day. I went to give him a high-five, but missed, and whacked this guy behind him. I think it was a bouncer or some shit. He got all pissed off about it, so I told him to go fuck himself. Long story short, I think Ced has some legal troubles.

Then this past weekend. Ohohhohoho man. FIJI Island, motherfuckers! The best party in the whole world! You don't know shit about it, bro. Nothing. You have no clue how hard we party. We party to the max, just like I play football! BALLS TO THE WALL!

So afterwards, we were chilling and shit at some bro's house. We had some honeys over there, and I was skeezing on these chicks up here taking summer school classes. 17-year-olds, bro, you know what I'm saying? They LOVE to get them a piece of the Gideon. I'M THE FASTEST GINGER IN THE WORLD! LOOK HOW FAST I SPRINT TO THE LINE OF SCRIMMAGE, EVEN IF IT'S A PASSING PLAY! I RUN SO FAST I WHIFF ON EVERY TACKLE! THAT'S FAST!

The after party was the bizomb. Sergio was back in town, about to bounce to Baltimore to play for the Ravens. He's gonna kill it in the NFL, I just know it. I can't wait to get there myself. I'm definitely going to. Did you see how I almost had the game-winning interception against Tech in '08? But for realz, Serge was cool. I was telling him he was gonna be awesome in the league, then as he was blowing me off, I went in to give him a bro grab. I missed, and ended up headbutting him. Since I'm so jacked, I don't really know the strength of my accidental headbutts, so he went flying down some stairs. I think it showed up on the news or some shit.

Either way, he's gonna be doing his thing, and I'm gonna get back on my grind. With Earl up in Seattle now, I'm the leader of the defensive backfield. Doesn't that just make your freckles tingle! WOOO! LONGHORNS ALL THE WAY!