World Cupkakke!

This is Steven Gerrard's girlfriend. Good work, man. Good airbrushed work.


I bet you didn't think that you would see a great NBA finals game, then see Icehouse pop up and spout off more soccer babble. But that's what we're getting today, chumpstyles. AND no caption contest. In your faces. I'm determined to make the sparse few of you actually give a fuck. If I succeed in full, you may even have something insightful to say whilst watching a game.

So I posted the picture above, getting your attention. It worked, didn't it? Well, there's plenty more where that came from, right over here at Bleacher Report.

Now, if we'll all turn our attention back from the boobs to me, I'd like to say something about the sport itself. The Spoiler compiled a list of the 10 most exciting players that will be playing in the Cup (note: Arjen Robben hurt himself a little, but should be able to play. Didier Drogba hurt his elbow, but you don't need arms in soccer, so he'll play). Anyway, if you're too lazy to click on that link, here's a few of my favorites:

Franck Ribery of France:


Kaká of Brazil:


Wayne Rooney of England:


Woody Harrelson of the Rest of the World:


If you watch all ten videos on the spoiler, you'll get a pretty good idea of what great soccer looks like. If you watch the whole thing and don't see anything that you like, then fine. Go back to watching UFC reality shows on SpikeTV you white trash piece of shit.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean that.

I'm sorry.

The World Cup is near, my friends.

Cristiano: "Why so glum, friendo? You no like me fucking you wife? Look, I make cool. I fuck you too."


I can barely contain my excitement. The World Cup is one of my favorite sporting events, but unlike the NFL or NBA playoffs, I have to wait four fucking years to watch it. Instead of waxing poetic about how it's a great game and Americans are stupid for not watching it, I'm just going to pass along whatever I come across in a series of quickies.

First up, David Beckham + Snoop Dogg + Daft Punk + one of the guys from Oasis + one of the guys from Knocked Up + Star Wars.


Also, Shakira sings the theme song for the World Cup. Because nothing says South Africa like Colombia.


Now I hope that at least some of you will give half a shit about the games this weekend. They will at least be fun, regardless of the outcome. Plus, America plays England. I can't wait for that. My advice would be to find the nearest "pub" to go watch. You'll be able to find these things pretty easily. They are the places where you try to drink as much beer as you normally do, but either get too full or run out of money before you're properly shitcanned.

Until later, biotches.

Monday Morning Sh*t Storm

For today's shit storm, let's go with "Sport You'd Most Like To See Become Professional At Some Point." You know, like club sports or recreational activities that are fun but don't have the following of the NFL or MLB.

My vote is Ultimate Frisbee.

Before you go all hipster-bashing on me, know this: I liked it before it was hipster, because it's like football, but with a frisbee. When I'm really bored at work, you know, that type of bored where you're staring at the keyboard in front of you wondering if the decisions you've made in your life are the right ones and if not how you're ever going to dig yourself you of this hole, this rut, this chasm that is your life in your mid-twenties...when I'm that bored at work, I google the word "Frisbee" just because I think it's about the most fun thing you could ever invent. And the guy who invented it looks like he knows a thing or two about fun.

Alright. Unconventional sport you'd like to see professionalized. Go.

Friday Afternoon Fun Bag!

Stephen Gerrard here. I like to play footy. I also like to get blackout drunk and punch people. But look at me face! So pretty! I'll never walk alone!

Ok fine. WOO. Short week! It's all over! We are now barreling face-first into summer sweetness.

Let's get to it.

First and foremost, Nike put out this ad that debuted last night on the finals. Andre 3000 remakes the Beatles. Kobe haters, your shoe is Adidas. Enjoy.


Say Queensbridge!


I am woefully unimpressed by this Japanese screaming contest.


His name is Evan. He's a teen werewolf.


It's a good thing this video has been on every single web site this week, because I could watch it over and over again.


It's odd. I hate both of these bands, but this mash-up is awesome.


Lattimer and I have already ordered this video, and will be ready for NBA training camp in the fall.


Ok. Fucking right. Good shit, everybody. See you out there.

/pats all of your asses

Former Mrs. Jim Joyce: "Well That Just Figures"

TOLEDO, OH - When asked about her ex-husband, Umpire Jim Joyce, and his blown call that cost Detroit Tiger's pitcher Armando Galarraga a perfect game, an indignant Eunice Hampton-Joyce said "Well, that just figures" through gnashed teeth.

"He was wrong about everything," nagged Hampton-Joyce, who claims to be happier alone than with Joyce. "How to stack the dishes, how to fold the towels, how to dust the mantle. Wrong, wrong, wrong."

The Joyces split in 2003, after Hampton-Joyce cited irreconcilable differences 23 minutes after Joyce cited domestic abuse. The case was settled out of court and a restraining order was issued between the two.

"It's just like him to get something so completely simple as that so completely wrong," screeched Hampton-Joyce. "His mother really did a number on him. Him and that stupid mustache of his."

Hampton-Joyce then abruptly ended the interview with reporters to collect yet another ball that had strayed on to her front porch, but not before delivering an expletive-laced diatribe toward the eight-year-old who lost the aforementioned ball.

Caption Contest!

No quippy intros. Let's just get to this.

First up, Barry Switzer is happy, and drunk.


Kendry Morales broke his leg after a walk-off grand slam the other day.


And finally, Federer lost. And made this kid do creepy things.


Have fun!