And now, a post on women's basketball.

On some level, this is true. There are people out there that prefer to see fundamentals and the plays and everything. I mean, look at how popular college basketball is. Of course, the fundamentals actually AREN'T better in the WNBA or college, the players in each league just aren't good enough to be creative or flashy, therefore there are no distractions.

Personally, I support women's basketball. If/when anybody here has a daughter, you are really going to prefer that she has role models to idolize that don't involve skimpy clothes and sex tapes. As much as I love to watch women's beach volleyball, when I have a daughter (it's inevitable. Karma's a bitch), I'm going to prefer watching Diana Taurasi with her. Trust me on this one, everybody. You don't want a daughter that thinks the only way to make her daddy happy is to have horrible body ideals and to dress slutty. Chicks with daddy issues make the sluttiest strippers.

But back to hoops. Everybody knows that the best thing in basketball is the slam dunk. There's really no question about it. You could go up to anyone who says that they "prefer fundamentals" and ask them if slam dunks are awesome, and they have to be all, "well, yeah." It'd be like asking an anti-war protester if a tactical SEAL team insertion by HALO jump to have a sniper with a Barret .50 cal put a round through an engine block, stopping the truck, and then the team closing in and taking all passengers in the truck prisoner with zero casualties is awesome. They would be all, "well, yeah."

Which is why FIBA is considering lowering the rims for the women's game. That's one very lame jump for women's basketball popularity, one big step backwards for women's equality.

But of course, we all know that women aren't equal anyway, when athletics are concerned (compare all track and field world records and tell me which events women score better in. Don't worry, I'll wait). Here's looking forward to some OMG funks from the chick game. They'll be unimpressive, to be sure, but what the hell. Hopefully it'll at least lead to some sustainability in the women's game. For the sake of future women everywhere. They need better role models.

The Adventures of Dogus Balbay in America

Dogus Balbay is a point guard for the University of Texas. After playing well in the Turkish basketball league, he has come to the United States to better himself, and hopefully make more money. These are chronicles of the trials and tribulations of culture shock.

This week: DOGUS PLAYS BASKETBALL IN FOOTBALL PALACE

Dogus is pleased. The Longhorns of Texas are the second-best team in all of the land. But now he must play the Shitheels from Northern Carolina. Dogus has never had much luck with the Northern Carolina. But this time will be different! This time Dogus brings with him Jordan Hamilton from the same neighborhood as Ice Cube. He also brings with him Avery Bradley, from the land that represents the exact opposite of Dogus's land, Las Vegas. What makes the most difference is that they play in a palace built for football Gods.

It is truly glorious. Dogus is in awe of Texan tower of Babel built for God of oil. Dogus thinks the Oil God must be very pleased indeed.

Dogus spies a television. It... it must be a television. IT COULDN'T BE ANYTHING ELSE.

Dogus imagines his favorite show, American pornography on the television screen. Dogus is now terrified at the prospect of 120-foot tall women crushing him to death. Death by snoo snoo.

Now it is the game time. Dogus does not understand the whiteness of the Shitheel team. They even have two of the same white player! Dogus chuckles. This could never work. Dogus is glad that Coach Barnes would never be sucked into the Tobacco Road White Athlete Arms Race.

The game begins. Dogus is described by the famous bald one as "gritty." Dogus plays hard. Dogus has been working on his left hand. The left hand is no longer treacherous. The crowd loves him. Dogus loves this football palace. Dogus loves America more than ever.

The Longhorns reign supreme! The famous bald one said that the Shitheels would win, and he was wrong! Dogus is still puzzled by the bald one's infant infatuation. Everything is 'baby this' and 'baby that.' Dogus cares not, for glory will be his upon his return to Austin. Dexter Pittman and he will imbibe! Oh, will they imbibe!