HATTIESBURG — Parents, booster clubs and athletic organizations have "had it up to here with that Brett Favre guy," according to reports saying that high school and DII-college athletes are woefully unprepared for their upcoming seasons due to the hours put in running the retired-QB's work out routine.
"I mean, we're trying to get these guys ready for STATE," said Oak Grove High School Football Coach Lou Tubbs. "They're out there fiddle-fartin' around with Favre. Just lolly-gaggin' and fiddle-fartin'."
"Hell, we'll be lucky to take district, let alone STATE."
Some of the athletes are admitting some of their frustration at Favre's demands to not only learn pro-style routes, but also maintain pro-style speeds and strengths, and subjecting themselves to pro-style punishments for lack of hustle.
"I can barely tie my shoes let alone learn two systems of offense," said WR Will Hoofman, who also doubles as the team's noseguard, displaying his cleats completely surrounded with layers of duct tape he says he puts on daily to secure his footwear.
"He tried to fine me $400,000 for missing practice. I've never seen $400,000 in person," said sophomore WR Danny Koehler.
"My fingers hurt," said RB Jeremy Collins, who was recruited by Farve to attend mandatory workouts along with receivers to give Favre that "wildkitty thing all them teams are doin'."
"He knows no kid in their right mind is going to turn down Brett Favre to work out," said Collins. "I just wish he wouldn't come hang out with us at the bowling alley on Friday nights. He graduated junior high with my dad."
LOS ANGELES — While the L.A. Lakers are in Orlando reviewing game plans, relaxing, and otherwise preparing to win their third-straight game against the Magic, they are missing a notable name to their roster: FC Pau Gasol.
Gasol, according to sources close to the Spaniard, completely forgot about catching the flight to Orlando, Game 3, and the Orlando Magic altogether.
"I don't not know," yawned Gasol in garbled Spanish. "I play PS3. I drink beerz. I not no think about Kobe, shave, or basketbol."
Gasol, shirtless, then curled his seven-foot-frame into a ball on his couch, and proceeded to finish his nap.
Gasol apperently made plans to go see The Hangover with his brother Marc, of the Memphis Grizzlies, and eat a quick dinner at a Jack in the Box afterward. The planning, according to Marc, was all a matter of having nothing better to do.
"He completely forgot," said Marc Gasol. "But then again, so did I. And everyone knows I'm the better Gasol."
Marc Gasol attempted to cement this claim by drooling immediately before ending the interview with the reporter by sneezing and farting at the same time, and thereby chortling uncontrollably.
...Next up #9 LSU (Yes I know the video is from 2006. Yes it is that badass)
Gut Reaction-obligatory top ten for the defending champs.
Offense-The Tigers only replace one offensive lineman. However other than Brandon Lafell (WR) The tigers will have some new faces on offense. RB Keiland Williams and human cannon Trindon Holliday should provide some offensive firepower. Neither slated starter at QB has taken meaningful snaps at the 1-a level.
Defense-The nightmare enducing defense of a year ago will have to replace seven starters, as well as, DC Bo Pelini. With that being said, man eater Tyson Jackson DE, Kirston Pittman DE, and Darry Beckwith MLB should help the reloading process.
Special Teams-I bet Colt David and Brady Dalfrey are really good at making tape balls.
Schedule-OMG OMG APP STATE AUG. 30!!!!!!!! other than that the tigers travel to Auburn Sep. 20, then to Florida Oct. 11 and the Bulldogs come to town Oct. 25
Ramblings-This rambling is somewhat biased. You see. LSU is the only SEC team I like. In my older years I choose which teams I like or dislike not by arbitrary issues such as style of play, geographic location, or head coaches. No, I choose teams I like by their fan base, and LSU fans are by far the most tolerable in the SEC. But enough of that I think everyone knows LSU is in the reloading process, and righfully so. They won their NC and now its time to play the role of spoiler in the SEC.
First lets talk about this reloading. Since Ryan Perriloux didn't know when to hold em or when to fold em, he is now playing ball for Jacksonville State. Way to go Ryan. This situation leaves LSU with two QB choices. Freshman Jarret Lee and JR. (Harvard Transfer) Andrew Hatch. If you want to win a SEC championship the two things you simply cannot have at QB is a Freshman and a nerd. Even with an experienced O-line returning nobody, with a straight face, can say LSU will win the SEC. now challenging for the SEC West is another story.
You have to admit Les Miles has a pretty good track record, and even with all the holes to fill, the current trend in LSU football leaves me to believe that the new faces are probably pretty f-ing good. Whats more, is alot of these guys saw some significant playing time during the NC run last year. (Demetrius Byrd WR, and Ricky Jean-Francois DT) Combine this with the fact that Auburn and Alabama really don't impress me, and i feel that LSU, once again, has a decent shot to make the SEC championship game, and then all bets are off.
Now the best part. With this reloading process, it looks like LSU will be underdogs in three big games, (Auburn, Florida, and Georgia) all of which will have NC implications. And you just know with the way the SEC works, LSU is going to win at least one of these games. I'm going to go out on a limb and say the Georgia game in Baton Rouge, but its really irrelevant. Whenever it happens, LSU is going to fuck up somebody's national championship world, and it's going to be great to watch. In fact, Sep. 20th to Nov. 1st is prime fuck up season in the SEC. Now, do the Perrilloux-less tigers have a chance to get Croomed on Sep. 27th, or lose to any other SEC team. Hell yeah they do, its the SEC, shit happens. But if LSU wins the SEC west it's a great season for them, if they shit on some team's birthday cake it's a good season. If they don't do any of that then I'm an idiot.
HATTIESBURG — Parents, booster clubs and athletic organizations have "had it up to here with that Brett Favre guy," according to reports saying that high school and DII-college athletes are woefully unprepared for their upcoming seasons due to the hours put in running the retired-QB's work out routine.
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