Teammates Suspect Titans' K Rob Bironas Actually Living In Weight Room

NASHVILLE, Tenn. -- After a summer's worth of speculation and suspicion, players and staff of the Tennessee Titans are coming forward to voice their concerns that kicker Rob Bironas is actually living in the team weight room, rather than an oft-used metaphor to describe the kicker's workout regiment.

"I've been saying it since about March," said DE Jevon Kearse. "I saw him in there every day, usually wearing sweatpants or something that might be confused for athletic apparel. But he never got really jacked up or muscular, in fact, I think he gained about 20 or 30 lbs., you just can't tell because of that terrible beard.

"And I think I stepped on his toothbrush."

Others have been complaining about a lack of tidiness in the weight room, including Bironas' stack of Hot Rod magazines, a tattered sleeping bag, a collection of various pieces of scrap metal, as well as a pile of dirty, non-football related laundry.

Coach Jeff "Fish" Fisher says that he's been hearing nothing but good things from the coaching staff about Bironas, the vaunted kicker out of Auburn, whose financial status is hitherto undetermined by Coach Fisher or the Titan's front office.

"The coaches see him in there, practically living in that weight room," said Fisher, stroking his mustache. "Or what I thought was 'practically.' What a kicker is doing in the weight room, they have no earthly idea, but golly, I guess that shoulda been a red flag right there.

"Maybe the guys upstairs haven't been putting his check in his little box," said Fisher, speaking of the team cubby holes utilized by the team's accounting office.

Bironas was unavailable for comment, as he was digging through LenDale White's dumpster, looking for "delicious," half-eaten scraps.

This is why everyone sucks.

I mean, you're not a werewolf. And everyone knows werewolves can ball.

CFB top 10 preview

...Next up #9 LSU
(Yes I know the video is from 2006. Yes it is that badass)

Gut Reaction-obligatory top ten for the defending champs.

Offense-The Tigers only replace one offensive lineman. However other than Brandon Lafell (WR) The tigers will have some new faces on offense. RB Keiland Williams and human cannon Trindon Holliday should provide some offensive firepower. Neither slated starter at QB has taken meaningful snaps at the 1-a level.

Defense-The nightmare enducing defense of a year ago will have to replace seven starters, as well as, DC Bo Pelini. With that being said, man eater Tyson Jackson DE, Kirston Pittman DE, and Darry Beckwith MLB should help the reloading process.

Special Teams-I bet Colt David and Brady Dalfrey are really good at making tape balls.

Schedule-OMG OMG APP STATE AUG. 30!!!!!!!! other than that the tigers travel to Auburn Sep. 20, then to Florida Oct. 11 and the Bulldogs come to town Oct. 25

Ramblings-This rambling is somewhat biased. You see. LSU is the only SEC team I like. In my older years I choose which teams I like or dislike not by arbitrary issues such as style of play, geographic location, or head coaches. No, I choose teams I like by their fan base, and LSU fans are by far the most tolerable in the SEC. But enough of that I think everyone knows LSU is in the reloading process, and righfully so. They won their NC and now its time to play the role of spoiler in the SEC.

First lets talk about this reloading. Since Ryan Perriloux didn't know when to hold em or when to fold em, he is now playing ball for Jacksonville State. Way to go Ryan. This situation leaves LSU with two QB choices. Freshman Jarret Lee and JR. (Harvard Transfer) Andrew Hatch. If you want to win a SEC championship the two things you simply cannot have at QB is a Freshman and a nerd. Even with an experienced O-line returning nobody, with a straight face, can say LSU will win the SEC. now challenging for the SEC West is another story.

You have to admit Les Miles has a pretty good track record, and even with all the holes to fill, the current trend in LSU football leaves me to believe that the new faces are probably pretty f-ing good. Whats more, is alot of these guys saw some significant playing time during the NC run last year. (Demetrius Byrd WR, and Ricky Jean-Francois DT) Combine this with the fact that Auburn and Alabama really don't impress me, and i feel that LSU, once again, has a decent shot to make the SEC championship game, and then all bets are off.

Now the best part. With this reloading process, it looks like LSU will be underdogs in three big games, (Auburn, Florida, and Georgia) all of which will have NC implications. And you just know with the way the SEC works, LSU is going to win at least one of these games. I'm going to go out on a limb and say the Georgia game in Baton Rouge, but its really irrelevant. Whenever it happens, LSU is going to fuck up somebody's national championship world, and it's going to be great to watch. In fact, Sep. 20th to Nov. 1st is prime fuck up season in the SEC. Now, do the Perrilloux-less tigers have a chance to get Croomed on Sep. 27th, or lose to any other SEC team. Hell yeah they do, its the SEC, shit happens. But if LSU wins the SEC west it's a great season for them, if they shit on some team's birthday cake it's a good season. If they don't do any of that then I'm an idiot.