Progressive Anti-Bully Gym Instructor Found in Locker, Gagged with Jock Strap

ERIE, Penn. — Coach Cal Roberts, 25, of Columbia Junior High in Erie, Pennsylvania, was found Tuesday afternoon stuffed into a locker in the men's dressing room, bound with athletic tape and gagged with a jock strap, and obviously disheveled.

Roberts, who is known for having a laid back, hands off, non-violent approach to coaching Jr. High students, said that after the class completed their yoga instructions, four to five of the bigger boys in the class cornered him in the gym, while the rest cheered.

"I mean these are good kids," said Roberts, as he held his head back to nurse a nosebleed. "I'm not going to subject them to bully-games like dodge ball, flag football, badminton, or track and field."

"That's just not good for these kids."

The jock was labeled as belonging to Sam Michaelson, a 5'8", 200lbs. seventh grader at Columbia. Michaelson claims Roberts had it coming.

"Guy had it coming," said Michaelson.

An investigation by school administrators is pending the results of a class survey as to whether or not Roberts, indeed, had it coming. Early polling numbers are showing that most agree he did, while one voter, Anaximander Goldberg, the local chess prodigy, firmly believed otherwise.

Required Viewing

Everyone needs to watch these videos in order to truly appreciate tomorrow's S--t Storm:
This is the great part about writing for GRH, every once and a while, you look for material, and you come across a gold mine of comedy.
The following three videos are one of the many reasons I only play in co-ed softball leagues.

Part 1.

Almost too much to say here but:
1. Fast pitch? really?
2. "THAT CALL NEEDS TO BE MADE INSTANTANEOUSLY!!!"
3. Lou Pinella is impressed.
4. IT'S THE CHAMPIONSHIP GAME!!!
5. Why in the hell would you want to ump a male softball game?

Part 2.

1. Again "THAT CALL IS INSTANTANEOUS!!!"
2. Ohhhhh no, it's worth it George, THIS IS THE COUNTY CHAMPIONSHIP!!!
3. Chavon's market knows that "coors light" didn't beat them.

Part 3.

1. Nice lip meat
2. This is the risk you run by playing in 5 competitive leagues. Softball schedule...full.

upon further research I found out that Joe Sports Fan chronicled these series of events far better than I ever could.

They also took it one step further.

Softball guy:

Simply. Amazing.

And to finish it off, here is our friend George earlier in the game.