Wait! There Are Political Implications To That Game You're About To Watch Drunk!

Whoa, there, mindless fan! Don't think you can escape the non-stop monkey chatter of contemporary American politics by escaping into the brutish serenity of athletic competition. The two are related! Don't you get it, you FOOL?! Now, take some time to write your congressman or woman about how FED UP you are with the status quo in Washington, or better yet, donate money to this campaig-

Gotcha. April Fool's! You thought it was going to get political, didn't you? You did? That's silly! Sports and politics have very little in common other than rabid profanity and the occasional dirty player. However, one political think tank has polled 218,000 sports watching individuals to tally if and how they would vote as a sports fan. Mildly interesting stuff for a Thursday morning.




Well, Duh

• PGA Tour: Old people vote in record numbers to insure their legacy will last long after their dead and gone. Old people also enjoy watching golf. Bingo bango.


• WNBA: If you were to be like "Hey, point out to me where you think African-American lesbians would be," I'd point right there.


• MLS: What sport do most long haired, skinny jean-wearing types admire most? Cross country running. Their second choice would be soccer.

Not Duh, But It Makes Enough Sense

• NBA: I'm not saying that every African-American votes liberally, or that every fan of the NBA is African-American. That'd be stereotyping and just wrong. But, statistically speaking, the NBA has many more African-Americans playing and in their fan base, and, statistically speaking, African-Americans have traditionally leaned leftward. PS - I'm not a racist.
  
• NFL: This has the biggest circle, and more than likely, is most reflective of the country. The USA has been described as center-right for decades now, and its most popular sport is definitely football. No question about it. It's football. Sorry, baseball.
  
• MLB: "But we're America's pastime!" Okay, you're still not as big as football. But you get to be the most politically neutral, probably due to your storied tradition before political parties also had storied traditions. Congrats! You're fair game.

Wait, What?

• Monster Trucks: Wait, I didn't know this was a sport. And I can't believe that it's a "sport" that trends liberally. They probably still hate Lincoln or something.
  
• WWE: The low voter turnout I totally get, but liberally? I don't really think "progressive" when I see a fan asking for one steroid-induced human to break another over his knee cap.
  
• Minor League Baseball: This is just barely on the liberal side. I guess it's because they just eat up that whole idealistic hope thing that the Democratic party has been trademarking lately. They don't matter though.