Speaking of Things I Wish I Could Be Doing

A-Rod Ultimately to Blame for Manny Testing Positive For Performance Enhancing Drugs

SUNNYVILLE, Fla. — Alex Rodriguez, the beguiled and admittedly juiced Yankees 3B, had no comment to allegation that Manny Ramirez had indeed tested positive for performance enhancing drugs, which is undoubtedly the fault of A-Rod, who is currently rehabbing in Florida from an injury incurred while dog fighting.

A-Rod cowardly denied any involvement with the former Red Sox slugger, despite a number of allegations that he is in fact to blame.

"I have no f***ing idea what you're talking about," said a tear-soaked and obviously guilty Rodriguez.

The reporter, disgusted with the Yankee's obvious disdain and irreverence toward the game of baseball, turned away to vomit.

The hapless and down-right-happy-go-lucky Manny Ramirez said he believes A-Rod betrayed him and the game itself when he himself tested positive for performance enhancing drugs.

"Is just Manny being Manny," the slugger said through a bright and wide grin, causing all of the reporters to chuckle, guffaw, and get autographs.

Commissioner Bud Selig applauded the effort of the investigative team that followed the bread crumbs from Ramirez's positive testing back to A-Rod.

"I was honestly a little worried back there for a bit," said Selig. "I didn't think that we had enough evidence to connect the dots and pin the guy (A-Rod) down, that a-hole.

"I'm just glad justice is being served."

Manny was erroneously suspended for 50 games instead of A-Rod, yet tragically, as soon as he was cleared of the suspension, he pulled a hammy and will sit for the next 50 games anyway. Reports that Mark McGuire may be behind the injury are still pending.

A Camera Found Stephon Marbury

Stephon Marbury has a lot of time on his hands.

This one guy with a camera found him sitting at a bus stop in New York yesterday.

This is what ensued.










/wets self laughing too hard

Caption Contest!

Quentin: When does LeBron get here?

or...

"They left me for dead. It's like we're in a foxhole and I'm facing the other way. If I got shot in the head, at least you want to get shot by the enemy. I got shot in the head by my own guys in my foxhole. And they didn't even give me an honorable death."
(Actual Marbury quote).

or...

"It's because the tattoo on the side of my head is stupid, ok? That's why I have the towel on my head, Q, because the tattoo stupid and I'm ashamed that I got it."

Beat these, chumps. Bonus points for anyone that uses an actual Stephon Marbury quote.