Showing posts with label Starbury. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Starbury. Show all posts

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Caption Contest!



Kobe: Hey Steph, who do you think is going to bang more bitches?
Marbury: I think it's going to get us both in trouble.

or...

Kobe: So, I forced Charlotte to trade me to the Lakers.
Marbury: WE can influence the TEAM's personnel? Fascinating.

Two players whose promise was endless and whose careers took fascinating turns. What could they possibly be thinking after they just got drafted?

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Caption Contest!


"Why can't my Mad Men avatar have a head tattoo?! This is bullshit!"

or...

"WHAT THE FUCK IS TWITTER?!"

or...

"I'm completely sick of Excel. I don't want the hundredths place to show up in this cell, but it keeps automatically changing it. I really and truly despise this program."

As per usual, we waited about a week after the story to kick someone. So here we go. Crazy picture for a crazy man. Enjoy.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Caption Contest!


"I HATE WEARING PANTS!"

or...

Kevin: ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE!
Ben: Except you brushing you teeth. Goddamn.

or...

Ben: Man am I glad I don't have to do this again until October.

This picture's a little played out, but it still looks hilarious, and is ripe for the captioning. Have at it.

Friday, March 6, 2009

Friday Afternoon Fun Bag!


My two heroes. Together. I didn't get the invite, I guess.

So after having a lot of the country get puked on in the form of tons of late-winter snow, it is now HOTT! HOT IN HERRE! And it's Friday. It is time to go to the fuck outside.

But anyways, for today's fun bag, something really, really weird. I didn't even know that they had handicapped hockey, but apparently it suffers from the same idiocy that regular hockey does: bloodlust.


Furthermore, who doesn't love demolition derbies? They're pretty much what cars were made for. Now this video, being some fucking cowards, won't let me embed here, but seriously. Click on it. I would totally watch Nascar if it were more like this.

We've pretty much had every Bron commercial on this site, so we might as well have this one, too. Notice Weezy not being too happy about someone dirtying up his sneaks.


Chances are, everybody's seen this. I don't particularly care, since it is still Digger Phelps getting down and dirty with some UCLA cheerleaders. Digger has all the moves.


Starbury is back with the Kid. That's pretty much all I'm going to say.


Yes. YES! No more flourescent lights or staring at a computer, reading boring ass shit all day. It's the goddamn weekend.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

A Camera Found Stephon Marbury


Stephon Marbury has a lot of time on his hands.

This one guy with a camera found him sitting at a bus stop in New York yesterday.

This is what ensued.










/wets self laughing too hard

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Caption Contest!


Quentin: When does LeBron get here?

or...

"They left me for dead. It's like we're in a foxhole and I'm facing the other way. If I got shot in the head, at least you want to get shot by the enemy. I got shot in the head by my own guys in my foxhole. And they didn't even give me an honorable death."
(Actual Marbury quote).

or...

"It's because the tattoo on the side of my head is stupid, ok? That's why I have the towel on my head, Q, because the tattoo stupid and I'm ashamed that I got it."

Beat these, chumps. Bonus points for anyone that uses an actual Stephon Marbury quote.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Holy Sh*t! The NBA season is two weeks old!


It’s been pretty good, too.

So far in the short season, there’s been a few surprises, and a few not-so-surprises.

First and foremost, the not-so-surprises. The best teams in the league are apparently the Celtics and Lakers. This, of course, is probably because neither team lost anybody of note (the C’s losing James Posey being the only notable difference). But Bynum is back healthy for the Lakeshow, Pau is playing like he grew a pair, and Kobe is Kobe. For the Celtics, Kevin Garnett is struggling just a little bit, but every time he gets into a shooting slump, he more than makes up for it in every other facet of his game. Also, Big Baby Glenn Davis seems to have found a stroke, so that’s helping out.

Other non-surprises would be Detroit and Cleveland playing well, and there’s really nothing you can say about that.

The Blazers are somewhere in the middle, they’ve won some big games (Brandon Roy’s blood is apparently made of ice after seeing the Blazers OT win over the Rockets), but you’ve also got to say that Greg Oden getting hurt again is a non-surprise that’s going to hurt them once they start needing some beasty shit in the middle.

Surprises, on the other hand would be thus:

First, the Texas teams, long considered to be the toughest road trip in the game, are all playing like ass. The Rockets lead this bunch of underachievers at 4-3. I’d expect them to keep that clip for the foreseeable future. The Mavs are fucking lazy, that’s all there is to say about them. The Spurs have been without Manu and Fabricio “Oh Boy!” Oberto, and despite Duncan playing like the hall-of-famer that he is, their only win came off of a 55-point Tony Parker performance to beat the Timberwolves in 2OT. The Spurs should not be taken to OT by the goddamn Minnesotans. Now T-Pizzle is down with an ankle injury, so now they don’t know what the fuck to do.

The Knicks are playing well. Starbury hasn’t seen a second. Makes sense, I guess.

Anybody want to guess who has got the best record in the East right now? The Hawks. Probably won’t stay like that forever, but they’re playing pretty damn well on the back of Joe Johnson. The Western equivalent could be the Grizzlies, who have the eighth spot right now. I say this because both teams are freakishly athletic, and they play like it.

Two Eastern playoff teams have the worst records in the East. Philly and Washington are both playing like total ass right now.

And now, to discuss the trade. Allen Iverson for Mr. Big Shot Chauncey Billups and Antonio McDyess. Man. Now the Answer is in Detroit, where he is definitely the man. Billups gets to return to his hometown, and while he and Dice both played on the Nuggets together back in the day, Dice was subsequently thanked by getting his ass waived. Chris “The Birdman” Andersen 1, Antonio McDyess 0. It’s tough to say who got the better end of this deal. Detroit inherits the prolific scoring machine that is Allen Iverson, and Denver gets rid of Iverson’s huge ass contract, and gains Chauncey. Considering how they didn’t have a true point guard, and they get maybe the one guy you can trust with this position at all points of the game, it’s not too bad of a gig. I’d say the real winners were the TV watchers that got treated to Iverson’s career highlight real, that included AI shaking Jordan out of his shoes, and of course, the “Cold as Ice Stepover” of Tyronn Lue.

In your face, Tyronn.

The next big trade that may happen is Charlotte is looking to deal Gerald “G-Force” Wallace. Good call, MJ, getting rid of the best player on your team usually benefits, right?

Anyways, keep an eye out for games. I highly recommend any Blazers or Hawks games. Guaranteed you will see a few highlight dunks in both.

Friday, October 17, 2008

Friday Afternoon Fun Bag!


You can only tell Eli's drunk because he's holding a beer. He normally looks that retarded.

Is it Friday yet? Hell yes it is! This week took way to long to get over with. Some of that bullshit.

Ok. So we all know plenty about Shaq. The once-unstoppable force has pretty much been relegated to the role of a borderline back-up on the Suns. But Shaq's always been known for off-court fun as well. From getting a custom bike made for him on American Chopper, to fighting crime, to "Tell me how my ass tastes." Now, we get a great video of Shaq at home, dancing with his kids. Fantastic.

When Michael "Ookie" Vick went to jail, we prognosticated that Vick would spend his hard time beasting in the yard. As it turns out, we were correct. Vick: "Nah muhfucka, I play linebacker now."

Stephon Marbury has released a workout video. Generally, everything that Stephon Marbury does is funny, and this one seems no different. Not sure what kind of gyms allow sledgehammers.

American sports try to not show streakers as much as possible, thinking it will deter people from actually doing it. I find this pretty dumb. Anyways, soccer streakers are pretty well known, and this one is probably the best. WARNING! NSFW!

Finally, Kobe Bryant has been described as "the best player in the world," and is usually regarded as a defensive stopper. That said, Kobe, tell me how Beno Udrih's ass tastes.

Ok. Let's go. Let's get it. Let's blow this joint.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

The Strength of the Euro



In case you haven't noticed, NBA players are fleeing their middling teams and wack salaries for the richer pastures of Europe. This was bound to happen eventually, what with the improvement of international basketball over the last decade or so. Also, if you are familiar with this blog, you will also remember that one of our authors made th prophetic vision that people will follow the footsteps of Brandon Jennings should he decide to hop the pond. Prophetic, I am.

Anyways, the list does include some NBA notables, but mostly middle of the road dudes that are little more than role players on their teams. Some already have international experience (Nenad "Nads" Krstic, Jorge "Garbage" Garbajosa, Carlos Arroyo). Others just felt like escaping.

While Jennings was the most original and notable (being a high school player making the exodus so he could get paid instead of go to school), Josh Childress was probably where the dam broke. Childress, a young athlete that played a fair amount on a fair, young, athletic team, signed a three-year $30 Million contract with Olimpiacos (Greece). Childress isn't even the first American to play for this team, but he is the first NBA-established player to go across in the peak of his career. Most people usually wait until they are too old for the NBA, or they go overseas if they can't make the NBA. When people saw how much Childress was going to get paid ($10mil a year is starter money on playoff teams), others thought to themselves, 'hey, I could make that money.'

There are other factors to realize with this deal. Going overseas doesn't just mean more money. Well, it does, but in different ways. What most people don't realize is that when you get paid with most pro teams in Europe, you keep all your money. Most pro clubs in Europe, regardless of the sport, pick up the tab on taxes, housing, cars, pretty much all living necessities. That means that ALL of that $30 million is Josh's (Jennings is looking smarter than any other Arizona Wildcat right about now). Furthermore, the teams that can afford to lure players away (Olimpiacos, CSKA Moscow, Barcelona) are generally all contenders. Anyone can tell you that it is way more fun to win than lose, regardless of the league. Finally, look at where you get to play! Josh Childress left Atlanta for Athens, Greece. If you were wondering, Athens is nicer than Atlanta. By a lot. Seriously, look at NBA cities (New Jersey, Milwaukee, Oklahoma City, Toronto). Compare those with the nicest cities in Europe (and then Moscow), fuck a language barrier, those places are great.

Now the average fan doesn't care much about the people that have already gone across the pond. In fact, several of you probably have never even heard the name "Earl Boykins" before. Most people won't even miss the ones that are gone (I, for one, will miss Carlos Arroyo's pimp ass shoes). But in the last few days, Kobe Bryant and [sources close to] LeBron James said that they would go if the money was right. The money being astronomical (Kobe says $40 million a year, Bron's bro says fitty). That's a heck of a lot of money. Money that NBA teams can't compete with due to the salary cap. It's one thing for lesser known albeit decent players to go, but when you talk about two of the main faces of the NBA, it probably sends a shiver up David Stern's spine.

I discussed the intangible merits of playing hoops in Europe, and so I must point out the main perk of hooping in the USA: sponsorship dollars. LeBron doesn't make most of his money playing basketball. He makes most of his money being a face to slap on a Coke can, a Nike billboard, even a pack of Bubble Gum (Yes, there is a LeBron Bubblicious flavor of gum). While that $50 million figure would be about double what he makes from the Cavs, he would stand to lose a fair amount of money in sponsorships (yes, Nike and Coke exist everywhere, but he wouldn't be moving the same amount of goods, therefore he would take a pay cut. Think how many Beckham commercials you see in the USA these days). Will LeBron go overseas? Probably, but not before he wins a couple of rings in the NBA first. Maybe in about fifteen years he'll go.

The European basketball leagues have long been a sort of retirement program for aging hoopsters. Darryl "Chocolate Thunder" Dawkins (the only NBA player to ever claim he was an alien from the planet Luvtron) played in Italy for a spell, as did Magic Johnson, Julius Erving, Scottie Pippen, Dennis Rodman, World B. Free, et al. Stephon Marbury even announced his plan last summer to go play in Europe after his contract expires. Not just in Europe, either. Sonny Alvarado played in a Korean league, and God Shammgod still plays in China. One of the most important twists, however, is that Joe "Jellybean" Bryant played in Italy for a long time.

Which, of course, brings me to Kobe. Kobe was raised in Italy when his pops (the aforementioned Bryant) played there. Kobe speaks Italian, and loves to jetset to all the happening places in Europe. For all the reasons that LeBron has to stay, Kobe has to go. Kobe's already accomplished everything one can in the NBA. Three rings, MVP, Scoring champ, etc. All checked off the list. Furthermore, Kobe doesn't have hardly any sponsorships anymore after his Colorado naked party (also, Euro chicks don't sue you when you bang them. Another good reason, Kobe!), therefore, if he's gotta live off of his hoops playing, playing somewhere with no taxes or salary caps is probably a wise move. Considering that he's already comfortable with the life on an expatriate, and that he already plays with a bunch of bricklaying Eurotrash on the Lakers, Kobe is probably the only superstar that might make the jump while still in their prime.

Would this hurt the NBA? Maybe. It would definitely help basketball on a global scale, and bring us one step closer to my dream of having a basketball champion's league (which would be sweet).

The Euro phenomenon has made this offseason pretty interesting, and is a perfect build up for the Olympics (which will showcase all of the best talent, NBA or otherwise). One way or another, there are definitely more basketball leagues than just the NBA, and those leagues aren't for hasbeens and neverwas's anymore.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Memories of the Kid and Starbury

You may have noticed how much Kevin Garnett appears on this site, and if you don't understand why, you can go straight to hell. Anyways, this commercial is one reason to love this man. It's also another reason to love seeing Stephon Marbury on TV.
Right now, there are rumors of the Knicks buying out Starbury's contract to move him. There are also rumors that the Celtics may try to acquire him for the league minimum. For those of you who don't remember the Timberwolves with both of these guys, I have just one message: Pray for this to happen.

Friday, September 21, 2007

When Starbury talks, you listen

Wanna know how to get your picture up in Carnegie Deli? Want to know how to be closer to God? Don't worry, Stephon Marbury is here to help. He keeps it together for a minute or so, and then the crazy starts spilling out.

Things have been jumping crazy in the NBA recently. Obviously, Grandpa Greg Oden hurt himself getting off the couch, but nobody ever said he wasn't injury prone. Andrei Kirilenko is doing what he does best: whining like a Russian bitch. He very well may stay in Russia instead of going back to Utah this year. Yi Ginandjuice finally decided to play in Milwaukee, even though he wanted to play in a city with lots of hot asian chicks.

I guess the Knicks are trying the hardest to stay in the news. They got Zach Randolph on draft night, which is ok, I guess. But, for a team that already has image problems, and lots of selfish players who seem to get violent often, Z-Bo just doesn't seem like a good fit. He seems like the kind of guy that will bring a gun to the MSG, to pop one of the refs, and conceivably Eddy Curry.

Isiah Thomas is definitely doing the most, though. His sexual harassment suit is one big comedy of errors. One, they called Stephon Marbury as a witness, which as we can see in the video, is probably trouble for everyone. That, and, he banged the accuser's secretary in a car behind a strip club.

I've never liked Isiah Thomas, and it kind of seems like he's in a big hole and he keeps on digging. In his deposition, he said it wasn't harassment to call the accuser a "bitch" because he's black. He says that if a white man calls a woman a bitch, it's inappropriate, but a black guy doing it is totally fine. Someone needs to get on the phone with Jena, Loserana and ask if they will accept Isiah in the place of the six kids.

Anyways, watch the video, around 3:35, Starbury shows us a dance move that keeps him closer to God. Free the Jena six.