No, You Don't Understand!

Seriously, y'all, it was nothing.

If you think about it, it was like that wrestling thing I did. All in good fun, you know? I didn't get arrested for messing around then, and I didn't get arrested this time, right? All jokes, man.

Huh? You sayin' the police got involved? Nah, it wasn't like that. We was just up there chillin' wid Ludacris, and people start talking about how Pacman Jones is a wildman. I'm like, nah, I'm not him, I'm ADAM Jones.

And they keep on, like, 'yeah, it was you in that strip club in Atlanta.' I just said, "no, that was Pacman." And they say "wasn't it you in that hotel, and then the club in Nashville, and then in the bar in Murfreesboro, and then in the strip club in Vegas?" I say Pacman. But they keep tryin' me. So finally, I'm like alright, I'll do a Pacman imitation, which is weird, because I'm Adam. But I'm an entertainer, and I'm paid to give people what they want, I hit my boy Tommy upside the head wid a bottle of Moet, just like Luda would've done (sorry, bruh).

Then people start wildin' out, saying, "Pacman's drunk again! Pacman's fighting people!"

That's not how it went. I'm Adam. I'm good and reformed, just ask Deion.

And remember, since the police didn't arrest me, I get to still play football.

Chris Andersen and Darius Miles are on the Warpath to freak America out.

That is to say, they are both attempting comebacks to the NBA.

Chris "The Birdman" Andersen got off of his two-year drug suspension mid-season, and his contract was snapped up by his old team, the New Orleans Hornets. Of course, they were in a pretty good groove, and never ended up using him.

The Birdman was ok was a super-athletic big guy, and of course was a white dunk contest participant, so you have to give at least some props. Unfortunately, his performance was highlighted by a moment reminiscent of the end of Tin Cup, or possibly Blue Crush. Unfortunately for Birdman, in real life, people don't like to see you try and fail a hundred times, and then cheer when you succeed. Turns out we hate that sappy bullshit. All it does is look stupid and painful.

Then he was suspended for two years after a one-time positive drug test. Think about that one real hard.

Then there's Darius "Neighbors call the fire station off the blunts I smoke" Miles. A prep stud, and member of Lattimer's fantasy St. Louis Supersonics, Miles came out of high school, with all of the promise in the world, super athleticism, an NBA body, a decent shot, and mad flavor. He played a few good years on the Clippers back when they were the most fun team in the league (consisting of Miles, Quentin Richardson, Corey Maggete, the Kandiman, et al). Then started to get bounced around until he microfractured his knee, and himself into obscurity.

Another problem with Miles getting picked up is that he has to sit out for his first ten games for, you guessed it, a drug suspension.

He was still awesome in "National Lampoon's Van Wilder." His best line was, "yo, Van, did you invite those freak honeys from Mount Holyoke?"