Bills' WR Terrell Owens Warned by Buffalo PD that 'Highfalutin' City Boy Antics' Won't Fly

BUFFALO — In a pre-preemptive attempt to curb Buffalo, New York's newest neighbor, Police Chief Ralph Alsobrook says he's going to "nip this TO problem in the bud."

"These highfalutin' city boy antics of his won't fly here in Buffalo," said Alsobrook, from the steps of the City Hall/Denny's parking lot, adjacent to the Shell station, and caddy-corner to Old Man Johnson's pumpkin farm. "If he wants to act like some dummy, and disrupt my peace, he's gonna hafta find somewhere else to do it."

The trade of the once-coveted receiver from Dallas to Buffalo sent shockwaves through the small town of Buffalo, spreading from the epicenter of Edwards-Caldwell Drug Store, which houses the town radio, outward into the far reaches of the community.

A similar statement was released two years ago when Cal RB Marshawn Lynch was drafted by the Bills, but tempers were quelled when Lynch's request to join the Buffalo NRA was approved.

Friday Afternoon Fun Bag!

"I likes to get drunk and go fast on motorcycles, Harf Harf Harf."

Have those girls no shame?

Woo! Sexy times on Friday! Woo!

I would like to start off by saying that I've never really like Mark Cuban. That said, he knows that a lot of his business is entertainment, and he has gotten very good at message development, crisis management, and is pretty much an all-star at mass communications. Also, he defends the hell out of his players and makes lots of people look really really stupid in the process. Kudos.

I was trying to figure out an intro to this, but I think a simple equation is best. Jake Delhomme+Steve Smith+Dukes of Hazzard+Fried Chicken+Explosions=Amazing.

I'm not sure how many people in this country are actually aware, but Marshawn Lynch is fucking hilarious. Seriously. Remember, it don't get no better than solid.

Finally, Kyle "Ashton Kutcher" Korver is probably best known for.... um... well, looking like Ashton Kutcher while playing in the NBA. He is now setting out to change that. Korver will attempt to be immortalized in the Guiness Book of World Records for organizing/playing in the longest game of kickball ever. Couldn't make that shit up, y'all.

Alright. It's been fun. Let's all get naked now.