Andrew Bogut kindly asks that you not wear bling

OMG! BOGUTFUNK!


I used to hate Andrew Bogut. I really did. Besides being the NBA player who most resembles Ashlee Simpson, he seemed to revel in the fact that he plays on the most boring team in the League (boring level changed once Brandon Jennings arrived). For instance, he once voiced an opposition to players flaunting their wealth. GUHHHHH This dipshit still says "Bling Bling!" What fucking year is this?! What a shitstain.

Sorry. I tend to lose it when I read that. Anyway. Enter Cartier Martin.

/Googles "Cartier Martin"

Mr. Martin here is apparently named after a bejeweled watch. No wonder Bogut felt it necessary to not only buttfuck him in front of an audience of DOZENS, but to also include a bitchslap in the process.

Cartier, if your NBA profile still has you in your D-League uniform, and your face smells of Australian sheep sex, you may want to consider grad school. Just some advice.

Tragedy Strike St. Louis Days Prior to All-Star Game

Chipper Jones Forgets Where He Is, Takes Dump in Left Field

ATLANTA — Perennial All-Star 3B Chipper Jones of the NL East's Atlanta Braves briefly forgot where he was during the top of the third inning of the home stand against the New York Mets, and in that moment, removed his glove and took a dump in left field.

"I dunno," said Jones, the reigning NL batting champion. "Had to lay one down. Wuzn't really thinkin'. Dropped trou. Laid a hot one. Case closed, man."

Left fielder Garret Anderson said that while he was perplexed by Jones' antics at the time, he's not surprised by the fact that the future Hall of Famer would go ahead and drop a deuce in the middle of Turner Field.

"That's just Chipper being Chipper," said Anderson. "Name me any other player who would do something like that not named 'Chipper Jones.'"

Commissioner Bud Selig says the league's hands are tied, citing that the game was not delayed while Jones was defecating, and therefore broke no league rules and will not be punished. Skipper Bobby Cox wasn't notified about the steamer until he woke up sometime around the sixth inning, and had "No f***in' comment."

Jones credited his lightweight to the ensuing play, in which he caught a high-line drive, tagged an over-anxious base runner from second and touched third base to achieve the season's first unassisted triple play.

Jarrett Johnson Has Come To Make You Quit The Game.

There are many ways to be embarrassed on a basketball court. If you get crossed over so bad you fall down, that's bad. Nutmegs are rare, but almost worse. Getting dunked on happens so often that it doesn't seem like it's that bad.

And then something like this happens.

I've been dunked on once. Just once. I came back down on the offensive end and dropped some kid by setting a pick and putting my shoulder into his face. Not perfect retribution, but at least enough to let those Duncanville pricks know that I wasn't a punk (if I recall correctly, it was fellow GRHer Allen Houston blowing a defensive assignment that led to me getting flushed on).

But I digress. What do you do to come back from something like this? Remember those hyperdunk commercials that got banned in some spots for being seen as anti-gay? This is worse than every dunk they talked about in those commercials. I mean this is really, really bad.

That kid who got yakked on needs to go ahead and forget that he ever played basketball.

Watch it again. I screamed when I first saw it happen.

Mad bonus points for Johnson giving fives to the crowd afterwards.