Independence Day!

I know that today is July 5th, but I wasn't on my computer yesterday, and nobody else should have been either.

 But anyway, I'd like to let you all know that yesterday was filled with beer, grilled meats, and contained explosives. Moreover, I'd like everyone to watch the video above. Rick Monday had an 18-year career in the majors, garnering two All-Star appearances. In 1976, he batted .272 with 32 home runs. He also received 3 percent of the MVP votes, the only time he ever received a single vote. This play is why. It doesn't show up on any box score, but it'll be the reason we always remember the name.

When Monday got up to bat in the following half-inning, he received a well deserved standing ovation. The scoreboard behind the left-field bleachers flashed, “RICK MONDAY… YOU MADE A GREAT PLAY…” To this day, Rick Monday still has the flag he rescued. When asked about that play (pretty much the only play he's ever asked about), he says, "After the guys left, there was a buzz in the stands, people being aghast with what had taken place. Without being prompted, and I don’t know where it started, but people began to sing ‘God Bless America.’ When I reflect back upon it now, I still get goose bumps.”

Up Yours, Bro!

Two for one, chumps!

Gonna walk my gay dog off somewhere, you keep snapping photos, beeeotch! I RULE!

Chris Bosh is creepy, still a dinosaur of some sort

Of Course This Happened

 I say "Of course this happened," but I don't mean it like "guh, this shit again." I mean it in the way that Metta World Peace has lived a life tailor-made for being ridiculed by Taiwanese weirdos that live inside computers.

 On a side note, if they made their depiction of the Malice at the Palace into a video game, in which you can play as Austin Daye (*cough* not on the team at the time *cough*) shooting Michiganders with a flame-spewing ray gun, while babies that look like Hillary Clinton huck molotov cocktails at you, I would buy that game.

GRH Hobbcast

I know, I know. We've been away for a while but today we came back with a vengeance. On Today's episode we discuss the best*/worst sports movies. We didn't have time to get to all the things we wanted to talk about, but it's a good primer for your netflix queue.

Listen to internet radio with Theghostofroyhobbs on Blog Talk Radio

Have fun and hobb on.

*"Angels in the Outfield" blows

You win this round, Boston.

We all like to hate on Boston sports fans. It's easy and they deserve it. I mean seriously, they call themselves the best fans in the world, but then not a single one shows up at the airport to greet the Red Sox home after they lost to the Rays in the 2008 ALCS. Just a bunch of fucking johnny-come-lately bandwagon douchebags.

Fast forward. After helping Boston win an NBA title in 2008, and bringing them back to the finals in 2010, Kendrick Perkins and Nate Robinson are shipped out of town to the Thunder for Jeff Green and Nenad Krstic. Seriously. Even after that, several people maligned Perkins as out of shape (sort of true) and not a real interior factor (completely untrue). Word has it that Doc Rivers told Kendrick to his face that he sucked and that's why he was traded.

So understandably, there is bad blood between Perkins and the Celtics front office (Nate Robinson, meanwhile, is just happy that he makes enough money to eat at Chipotle. He's a simple man that way). So what happened in Boston when Kendrick Perkins made his return for the first time? The Celtics played that video and the fans gave him a standing O. Pretty classy. Keep up the good work, NBA fans.

Stop Pissing in my Cheerios

Oh hello, you must be a fringe college football fan who complains about bowl games. You hate them you say? No attendance? No playoffs? Would you allow me to offer a simple rebuttal?

Get fucked.

I love football I love everything about it, and this time of the year I get to sit on my ass and watch football every day. EVERY DAY!!! Look I get it, some of the games are not appealing, but it doesn't take a fucking rocket scientist to figure out that people do not want to travel to Shreveport Louisiana the day after Christmas.

And can we stop complaining about not playoffs? Yes the BCS is bass ackwards. It sucks, I get it. However, the closest thing we'll ever get is a plus one formula. This year we'd have LSU, Bama, OSU, and Stanford. I'll take that final four.

(Without bowl games we would have never known about Rusty Whitt)

Lastly, most players I've talked to love bowl games. Why? Well football players typically like playing the game, for some teams it may be their only chance to be on national TV and they get free shit. Let me make my point clear. 18-22 year olds and Best Buy shopping sprees.

In summary, go buy some shitty wine for your next pathetic dinner party and stop cluttering up my twitter feed with your incessant bitching.

Love,
Lattimer

God Bless Us, Every One!

Merry Christmas from the Ghost of Roy Hobbs.

GRH Investment Opportunity

I'll admit, I had way too much fun watching this video. First of all it's foreign which automatically increases the humor level by 25%. Secondly, HAHAHAHA ELECTRIC DOG COLLARS ON SOCCER PLAYERS.

Really the idea is brilliant. So brilliant that I now want to start an electric sports league. The ESL if you will. Think about it, we're just scratching the surface here. The tactics, the competition, the ELECTRICITY!!!


And it's not just limited to soccer, could you think of the fun you could have during a basketball game? it would be unreal. Oh and no probations in our league. You get in trouble and the collar goes on a different body part* for several games. So go ahead and send your money to us, and we'll get this thing rolling.

*Nut sack
**This will become an actual thing in Japan

GRH Hobbcast

Listen to internet radio with Theghostofroyhobbs on Blog Talk Radio

Aaaaaaaaaaand we're back. Sorry for the absence Hobbers, we've been neck deep in shit and haven't had the time. We have a guest on tonight, James, who reps the aTm and Broncos. Tonight we talk College football, and the impending rematch between LSU and Alabama. Then we talk a little NFL, and kneel before the altar of Tebow.

So sit back with you're favorite refreshment and join us in while our soothing voices heal your broken soul.

And Now A Word on Tim Tebow

For some reason, everybody only wants to talk about Tim Tebow. Every single goddamn talking head on ESPN is apparently paid per Tebow reference. Which is ok with me, because at least it's not Jerry Sandusky.

The only real problem is that every single person that talks about Tebow tries to view him through the lens that they force down our fucking throats.

How about we think outside that box for a second?

First, they regard this Bronco's scheme as some sort of batshit insane scheme - the likes of which we have never seen before. Don't they call this the wildcat in every other offense? Is there something I'm missing that makes this different? Oh yeah, Tebow's white.

Furthermore, they can't help themselves from sensationalizing EVERYTHING. The dude is 24. Why not actually try watching him play a little football, instead of skipping all the steps and asking "CAN THE BRONCOS WIN THE SUPER BOWL WITH TEBOW?!" Why not ask whether or not the Broncos can make the playoffs first? (Spoiler: Yes, the Broncos can make the playoffs. The AFC West is like the derpshit teenagers in Scream: EVERYBODY'S A SUSPECT) Why not ask if the Jaguars can win a Super Bowl with Blaine Gabbert? Or the Vikings with Christian Ponder? Aren't they his peers?

What would be nice and refreshing would be if we could all take a step back to look at Tim Tebow.

Believe it or not, there was a time when quarterbacks didn't just sit in the pocket and throw the ball, benefiting from the myriad of rules that protect them. They were just one of several ball carriers, and didn't need to slide if they ran. Tim Tebow happens to be a football player, and that's what nice about him.

I'm really sorry he flies in the face of the Tom Brady and Peyton Manning NFL that pundits and writers have been pushing at us for decades. Sorry you're having a tough time explaining him to the Sportscenter crowd. It might make it a little easier if you showed more games, and less Around the Horn.

People like to talk about how awful he is at throwing the ball. He's pretty bad at it. But so are 20 or so other starting quarterbacks. At least Tebow's useful besides that. And instead of comparing him to current pass-only quarterbacks, why not try to talk about what his strengths are?

Because they're haters. I don't exactly like Tebow or the Broncos, but I hate the haters, and I like watching somebody who's going to stick his face into the pile to try and score touchdowns.

GRH Hobbcast

Listen to internet radio with Theghostofroyhobbs on Blog Talk Radio

We brought in a special guest tonight for our Hobbcast. AND SHE'S A GIRL. Tonight we wrap up the World Series, talk a little about the LSU/Bama deathmatch, and finish off with some NFL football.

Tell your friends, spread the word. Hobbs Akbar.

GRH Hobbcast

Listen to internet radio with Theghostofroyhobbs on Blog Talk Radio

Stovall was out tonight so I had to take over the moderation duties. topics include NCAA football, MLB baseball, and fuck Sewanee.

Enjoy.

Investigating the perils of unemployment

[Gawker Office]

New Reporter: Um, hello? Sir?

Gawker Editor: Whadda you want? Look, for the last time, if you have pictures of athletes' penises, just email them to AJ Daulerio. I don't want to see them anymore.

New Reporter: Um, no sir, I'm... I'm your new writer?

Editor: Hm? Oh, that's right. Have a seat. Let's see here. Graduated summa cum laude from University of Wisconsin Madison, did your graduate work at University of Chicago J-school. Not bad, not bad. What makes you think you have what it takes to make it here?

New Reporter: Well, I curated UW's arts magazine, was the editor of the newspaper there, and have had several pieces published in the Trib and Sun-Times.

Editor: CHILD'S PLAY. This. THIS. Is Gawker. NEW MEDIA. Have some goddamn respect. What we do here changes the way people look at the world. YOU SEE THIS?! MILLIONS OF HITS. We are leading the revolution, my friend, and I don't need any more idealistic mama's boys whining about the days of typewriters and wistfully pondering what it was like to be a newsman back in the day. I need a foot soldier for the front lines of the battle against the traditional forces. Can you be that foot soldier for me?

New Reporter: Yes, sir.

Editor: You're not gonna blow your finger off just to get out of duty, are you?

New Reporter: Um, no sir.

Editor: Good. Now here's what we got. People are all about this Occupy Wall Street business. They're out there, fighting the good fight. But we need the human element. I need you to go out there and show the world the victims. Too long have the unemployed remained faceless. Let's show the fat cats up in their ivory towers the damage that they're causing. Now there's a largely elusive group of people, virtually all unemployed, who are aching for an opportunity to speak up.

New Reporter: Disabled veterans?

Editor: No, you halfwit! If we had paper in this office, I'd roll some up and smack you across the mouth with it. I'm talking, of course, about NBA players. Look at this chart.

Editor: You see, these owners are trying to demonize their employees for falling profits. No matter that they have plenty of extra sources of income elsewhere, through concerts, circuses, TV deals and the like. They just want to squeeze their employees out of every cent they earn for them. IT'S JUST LIKE SLAVERY. Actually, figure out a way to work the word "slavery" into your piece. More controversy, more clicks.

New Reporter: Um, I don't really feel comfortable with--

Editor: Well what would you feel comfortable with, hm? A world where newsboys in their jaunty caps peddle newspapers for nickels apiece and there's no other avenue for people to absorb current events and opinion? Oh, we'd all like that. We'd enjoy the hell out of that. But that's not reality. This world has changed. I've had to adapt to survive. So many of my colleagues have fallen along the way. That's just the way the world is. Someday you'll understand.

New Reporter: Sir, aren't you 25 years old?

Editor: I sure am. Now get out there and bring me some sob stories about these players. And try to work a Hitler reference or two in, also. That always tends to boost traffic.

Later that day...

Reporter: Hi, with whom am I speaking?
Deron Williams: Yeah, this is Deron Williams. That's D-E-R-O-N.

Reporter: Yes sir, I'm aware of the spelling of your name.

Deron: Man, thank goodness. You wouldn't believe how many times they spell my name wrong over here in Turkey.

Reporter: I see. And what is it that you are doing in Turkey?

Deron: My job. I play over here until the NBA comes back.

Reporter: So you're not suffering any hardships of unemployment?

Deron: Hell no. I show up, cross some cats, dunk on people. Win some games, then go home. Easy money, man.

Reporter: Ah ok, well, thank you for your time.

Later...


Carmelo Anthony: Who dis?

Reporter: Hi, I'm with Gawker media.

Carmelo: Not my penis, man.

Reporter: Ha ha! Very good sir, no I'm doing a story on the hardships of unemployment for NBA players.

Carmelo: Ok, well I'm at New York's fashion week and these skinny bitches are making fun of my red pants. Shit's hard, man.

Reporter: Thank you for your time, sir.

Later...


Russell Westbrook: [Whispering] Hello? I really can't talk right now.

Baron Davis, Kevin Love, P. Diddy: SHHHHH!

Baron Davis: Tryin' to learn, cuz.

Russell Westbrook: Gotta go.

[click]

Later...

Reporter: Mr. James, can you give me some examples of how the NBA lockout has affected your life?

LeBron James: Hasn't really, I still play basketball, make commercials and give wedgies. And not necessarily in that order, YAKNOWWHATIMSAYIN? Up top!

Much later...

Reporter: I don't suppose you have a story about hardship related to the lockout do you.

Joakim Noah: Keeeeeyahhhh habbada na na!
Reporter: Fuck this.

GRH Hobbcast

Listen to internet radio with Theghostofroyhobbs on Blog Talk Radio

Here's the latest edition of the Hobbcast. Today we talk Baseball, Football, and Post apocalyptic sporting events. I think you'll enjoy it very much.

Live Tweeting Auburn and Arkansas' Football Contest, October 8th, 2011

As many of you may know, in a past life I was a journalist. It may also interest you that in this current life of mine, I ALSO made a living by journaling for publications at one point. While I don't do that anymore, I must confess, the bug to fill people's brainholes with knowledge hitherto unknown still gives me quite the itch from time to time, as well as the bedbugs that have infested my bed (NATURALLY).

Such was the case Saturday evening, when I watched the Arkansas Razorbacks play the Auburn War Eagle Tigers (I'm assuming this is some indiginous Native American mythological beast that is part tiger, part eagle, part soldier and part brown, that is able to receive large sums of money without people caring). I began tweeting behind-the-scenes facts about the game and its players. It received a BEVY of responses, and thusly, as per my journalistic mandate, I am sharing them with a larger audience to create even more responses, all of which will grant me a larger profile. Huzzah!

While some may protest my allegiances, know this: a true journalist is one who is objective almost all of the time, except when he is not.

• Auburn Coach Gene Chizik looks like a flesh Muppet Jim Henson aborted and flushed down an oft-used toilet. Pretty sure that's all true.
• It's a shame that the Auburn players holding the play-calling numbers on their sideline are only getting just above minimum wage.
• Michael Dyer burned every bridge he had in the vertically challenged community for using lifts to alter his height. Lifts, in that community, are lies.
• Arkansas RB Broderick Green gets eight to nine hours of eat a night.
• Arkansas RB Dennis Johnson, who suffered a season-ending bowel injury last year, opted for an experimental, speed-enhancing prosthetic during his surgery, hence his nickname "The Batmobile."
• Auburn QB Kiehl Frazier's favorite show, naturally, is "Frasier," even though he doesn't understand what a psychiatrist is or how to spell "Kyle."
• Auburn's starting freshman center, No. 50, is none other than Grammy-winning singer/songwriter Adele.
• Auburn's Barrett Trotter, QB, is currently under NCAA investigation for starring in one of those Toyota commercials where the parents are having a great time without him.
• Gene Chizik's pregame pep talk fell flat when he told a too-soon, albeit hilarious, leprosy/Al-Davis joke. Clearly, his team is still shaken.
• Auburn LB Eltoro Freeman's nickname "The Narrator" come from his ceaseless in-game orations, NOT because his dad is Morgan Freeman, which is also true.
• Auburn's TE Philip Lutzenkirken is pregnant. Please do not tell his parents or the homecoming committee.
• Arkansas Coach Bobby Petrino's genius does not stop on the gridiron. Not only did he invent Groucho Marx masks, but he has invested those earnings BRILLIANTLY.
• Auburn's DeAngelo Benton was that kid in your 10th grade biology class that got way too into dissecting frogs. Also, he always blinks twice when he blinks.
• HALFTIME: Chizik is going back to the Al-Davis-leprosy jokes to fire his team up again, this time using props. This does not bode well for Auburn.
• Auburn's offensive coordinator Gus Mahlzahn has never once used toilet paper, which is somewhat disgusting. However, in his defense, he's never needed it before.
• Auburn QB Kiehl Frazer went through fifteen blue mouthpieces before Gus Mahlzahn convinced him they weren't Airheads, or even edible.
• Sources claim the funniest joke Auburn's Barrett Trotter has heard or told is pronouncing his favorite treat as "Famous Anus Cookies." Get it? Me neither.
• Arkansas' Joe Adams has one rush for 92 yards, the second-longest rush in Arkansas history. Sorry, that bit of trivia was irrelevant.
• Kiehl Frazier has been downing Mike's Hard Lemonades since about halfway through the third quarter. This hasn't impaired his ability at all.

And BEFORE YOU KNEW IT, the game was over. Arkansas had scored 38 points, while Auburn had only scored 14. After some quick statistical analysis from replay officials, aided by the University of Arkansas' Department of Mathematical Sciences, it was determined that Arkansas had more points, and was therefore, the victor.

DID I MISS ANYTHING? Of course not. But if there were some other aspect of this game I neglected to mention due to unimportance, and you would like mentioned, mention it yourself here in our unimportant comments section.

Good day! Godspeed! Cheeseburger!

Monday Morning S--t Storm

I know I've been gone for a while, but every shit stormer needs their own walk about as it were. While I was gone I've been doing things like podcasting, analyzing the offensive tendencies of 14-18 year olds, and I've joined a protest or two. Today I'm protesting work, you can follow me on twitter at #occupylattimerscouch

However, I have had some time to pursue my 7th favorite past time which is watching TV. During one of my sessions, I wondered why there weren't more TV shows centered around sports? I kind of felt like some of the humor and drama was already there, and the writers could also address some of the issues facing the sport.

To be sure, we've had shows like that. Playmakers was probably the first I can remember. The show really addressed the dark side of professional football, and it's cancellation coincides with ESPN's transition from a 20 something bachelor into a suit wearing company man.


I'm sure you all know about Friday Night Lights. (the TV show)It was fun and all. Icehouse was an extra, but let's be honest. FNL was essentially Glee for jocks.


As you can see these two great TV shows follow the same path of most sports TV shows and movies. They just blatantly throw stereotypes and issues right in your face and lack an accurate portrayal of the games. The quick and easy solution to this dilemma is fairly clear, but unfortunately David Simon is busy right now.

So our job for the shit storm is to get together and create a sports drama. In the spirit of the shit storm's triumphant return I say we work together on this one. Someone start off with a sport, and we'll just brainstorm from there.

Shit storm begin.

Delonte West has a plan

If someone had asked me how Delonte West was spending the lockout, I would have taken that as creative license to make up whatever bonkers activity my feeble and withered brain could have come up with in five minutes. Heck, I might have even turned it into one of Booker Pogue and I's lists.

But no. No, according to his twitter feed, and the application above, he is now an employee at Regency Furniture. Somehow, this baffles me more than any other alternative.

True to form, Delonte West is the wild card. A few highlights of the past few years:

• Boned LeBron's mom
• Punched a teammate in practice
• Recorded a freestyle rap about KFC in the parking lot of a KFC
  
• Was arrested for speeding on a Spyder with two handguns and a shotgun in a guitar case

RELEVANT:

GRH Hobbcast

Listen to internet radio with Theghostofroyhobbs on Blog Talk Radio

Tonight on our podcast the original 3 hold down the show and continue the fine tradition of Hobbcasting. We get into some Football discussion, while examining the curious habitat of the "Fan Bar." Later we talk a little baseball and look forward to the MLB playoffs.

Have Fun, give us feedback.

College Football Blitz Week 4

Last Week: 5-1
On the season: 9-3-1

Played Cincinnati -7 Thursday Night and Central FLA -1 and the Under 45.5. Central Florida's defense gives up 10, but the special teams gives up 14. Tough loss for Don Delaware and the Golden Knights. But 2-1 is a good way to start the week, so let's go get that bookie money....

San Diego State +10.5 @ Michigan
Active coaches are 1-4 against the number versus their former team. Michigan is 6-15 in their last 21 ATS. The Aztecs will bring it against their former coach and will give a soft Wolverine defense all they want. Michigan 34-31

Ohio +4 @ Rutgers
UPSET ALERT! Frank Solich's Bobcat team is firing on all cylinders and is hands down the best team in the MAC.  Rutgers is coming off a much needed bye week after being throttled by UNC.  Bobcats offense is too much, Ohio 24-21

Notre Dame -6.5 @ Pitt
The Irish played how they should have played all season in last week's win vs Michigan State.  This game is being played at Heinz Field, so no real advantage here for the home team.  Notre Dame looks to get to .500 today, 31-17

Under 55 Tulane @ Duke
Two of the nerdiest programs in football face off today. You tell me how they'll score 8 touchdowns.

Arkansas +11.5 @ Alabama
The Hogs have been preparing since spring practice for this one at Tuscaloosa.  Bobby Petrino is 10-1 against the number in his last 11 conference games.  But the edge has to go to 'Bama and the defense at home. Alabama 20-17

Colorado +17 @ Ohio State
Ohio State scored 6 points last week and if the Buffalos create any sort of a lead the Buckeyes will go straight into panic mode.  OSU starts a new QB today, but I don't think that equates into a 3 TD win. Ohio St. 20-10

Oklahoma St @ Texas A&M -4
The Aggies opened up with a bye week and two cupcakes. The Pokes wrapped up their game against Tulsa at 3:30 AM on Saturday due to weather. A&M has had the extra prep time and OKSt has had an unusual week. A&M and the 12th man 46-38

Kansas St +13 @ Miami FLA
Like A&M, Kansas State has had extra time to get ready for this game.  The Hurricanes are coming off an emotional win and I think will be a little flat for this matchup. Miami's speed open up the game in the 2nd half. Miami 35-24