Coaches Brown, Carroll, and Meyer Flock Emergency Room at Mention of Ross/Richard Offspring

AUSTIN — In what many are calling a completely sane and well-thought out move by some of college football's best and brightest, Texas coach Mac Brown, USC coach Pete Carroll and Florida coach Urban Meyer are patiently waiting outside an emergency room believed to be occupied by former UT athletic standouts Aaron Ross and Sonia Richards' newborn infant.

"I think we're at a place in our organization where we're ready to sign him," said Carroll. "Whatever his name ends up being, that is."

Brown said that he trusted the couples Longhorn roots would bring the coveted prospect back home to Austin.

"Fact of the matter is, he's a game changer. We'd sure love to have him in that beautiful burnt orange," said Brown. "Game. Changer."

Meyer said that he thought Florida could host the talented recruit, given the family's medical history with Gator QB Tim Tebow, who has already offered to circumcise the five-star athlete.

"It's crazy to think how good this kid will be, not only on the field, due to his parents, but off the field, due to Timmy being the first person he'll ever see and get a high five from," said Meyer.

Ross and Richards — who both have received a bevy of accolades for their own athletic achievements — say they feel blessed to have such a talented offspring, and look forward to a graceful ascent toward the upper echelon of first tier athletics.

"It's great. I'm so proud of all he's accomplished," said Ross.

Illinois Coach Ron Zook was spotted waiting outside the emergency room with NCAA banned-lollipops and other delicious and distracting paraphernalia.

Friday Afternoon Fun Bag!

OK, I never really wanted to put Dirk on this blog, but I think it goes without saying that if THIS is the player your city rallies around, you deserve a big kick in the collective crotch. Seriously, Dirk is terrible.

Woo! Fall is in the air! A little bit cold, but pleasant weather. Perfect for tailgating. Woo!

Each team has their own way to pump themselves up before going out onto the field to play a football game. It's a necessity. University of Colorado Buffaloes? They throw themselves a huge-ass rave before each game. Behold, the radicalness that is, the THUNDER CHUTE.

NFL CRIME WATCH SUBSECTION: Last night, Santonio Holmes was pulled over. He was cooperative with police, not impaired, and was even friendly when handing over several blunts to the officer. He was cited with misdemeanor possession (thus not warranting a full Crime Watch). In Fun bag-related news, Santonio Holmes likes to take pictures of himself naked.

Last year, the Mavs traded virtually their whole team for Jason Kidd. People then were saying that Devin Harris was an adequate replacement, and that due to his youth/athleticism, the Nets wouldn't miss Kidd. This may all be true, but Devin Harris also got done dirty by a short, white, British streetballer.

Paul Pierce goes to New Kids On The Block concerts. Still think you're cool, Boston?

Finally, Red Bull Rampage is back for the attack. Amazing camera work to capture some amazing scenery and even more amazing Mountain Biking.

That's it for this week. Now these florescent lights are killing me. Let's get the fuck out of here.