Monday Morning S--t Storm

Tough one today gang.

Today we are going to eliminate one sport from existence.

I know it's tough because we all like sports, but I feel like destroying something beautiful today.

Ok so my gut choice would be "Crew." Why? Well I submit there is nothing inherently wrong with the sport, and rowing provides things such as backdrops/bridging scenes in movies. But have you ever talked to someone on crew? Shit if you have I'm sure you learned that crew is the coolest and toughest sport in the world. And I get it crew is pretty demanding and requires a decent amount of skill. But is this not true of most other sports. Case in point, I actually had this conversation.

Me: I don't know sometimes I think Ironman triathletes are the best in the world.
Crew guy and girl: Well typically CREW members are the fittest.
Me:....?

See I would expect an Ironman triathlete to respond to this but they are too busy RUNNING A FUCKING MARATHON AFTER A TWO AND A HALF MILE SWIM AND A 112 MILE BIKERIDE!!!

But no, I dont think having an oar in your hand instantly makes you a douche, these people would naturally gravitate to other sports. Plus, England needs something to win at the Olympics.

No, my selection will be Fencing and really any sword sport in general. (Looking at you Kenjutsu) Here's my issue, first it's not even realistic. Have you seen one of these matches? Basically if you get tapped on the shoulder then poof, your dead. If you watch Deadliest Warrior, and I have, you learn that death blows are effective and awesome.



(Oh I've done this before, except we used branches and no padding)

Second problem is that these "sports" take up space. Which is fine as long as you have your own little sword fighting place. But NOOOOO, these guys always have to hold court in every local rec center in America. Wanna play some pick up basketball? Sorry these fucking tools are taking up half the court with their little saber battle. The local YMCA used to open up a half of the court in winter where you could throw a baseball around, and every time we would go we'd have to deal with blade masters. I remember one time we were waiting for them to be done and one guy came up to me and I swear said "Don't worry we won't hurt you"

That man also had braces.

Lately however, it's gotten much worse. I'm lucky enough to have indoor racquetball/handball courts. This is excellent for me because I don't have to pay a membership fee to an exclusive racquet club in order to play handball during the winter and poor weather. I walk in and who do I see. These Sanctioned LARPers holding a camp where infect younger generations with space stealing doucheness ON THE HANDBALL COURT. What's next? The Weightroom?

Hey Danielson, find your own Dojo and get out of my rec center.

Ok that felt good. Shit storm begin.