tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8673413627090761779.post2188251698621158559..comments2023-10-26T08:15:54.829-05:00Comments on The Ghost of Roy Hobbs: Monday Morning Shit StormUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger46125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8673413627090761779.post-21110774568439358652009-01-20T18:23:00.000-06:002009-01-20T18:23:00.000-06:00Richie Farmer. And it's not close. Because of bask...Richie Farmer. And it's not close. Because of basketball, the man traded in coal mining (a subpar outcome) to become the Minister of Agriculture in one of the nation's greatest commonwealths. Please revere his (mou)stache here.<BR/><BR/>http://www.kyagr.com/commissioner/index.htmOld Booker Poguehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07667905926818002699noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8673413627090761779.post-54439312608674042042009-01-20T16:52:00.000-06:002009-01-20T16:52:00.000-06:00Payton Manning- Speaker of the HousePayton Manning- Speaker of the Housebrianhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08776387878262815212noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8673413627090761779.post-77057050438820238582009-01-19T22:37:00.000-06:002009-01-19T22:37:00.000-06:00LBJ - "evil texan" wrestler.i would guess wwe or s...LBJ - "evil texan" wrestler.<BR/><BR/>i would guess wwe or something, as i don't imagine he'd be nimble enough for mexican wrestling, which would definitely fit his persona.<BR/><BR/>davey crockett - professional hunter. kills bears with his bare hands. if you miss the bear, you can always go hand to hand.<BR/><BR/>george stephanopoulos - professional limbo athlete.<BR/><BR/>adolph hitler - tour de france winner 1940-1944vitustinnitushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13704821644492269576noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8673413627090761779.post-45841687552259514402009-01-19T21:02:00.000-06:002009-01-19T21:02:00.000-06:00Connie Rice really likes football, does that count...Connie Rice really likes football, does that count?Steve Lattimerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16150473421615296165noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8673413627090761779.post-70236785083891319202009-01-19T21:01:00.000-06:002009-01-19T21:01:00.000-06:00Damn we also forgot the all big ten center (Michig...Damn we also forgot the all big ten center (Michigan) Gerald Ford.Steve Lattimerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16150473421615296165noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8673413627090761779.post-10694429200793011542009-01-19T20:49:00.000-06:002009-01-19T20:49:00.000-06:00ohhhhh Steve Largent.ohhhhh Steve Largent.Steve Lattimerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16150473421615296165noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8673413627090761779.post-32780284131279676862009-01-19T20:48:00.001-06:002009-01-19T20:48:00.001-06:00And AHHHHNALD. I guess weightlifting/bodybuilding ...And AHHHHNALD. I guess weightlifting/bodybuilding is a sport>Steve Lattimerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16150473421615296165noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8673413627090761779.post-16579227085493622742009-01-19T20:48:00.000-06:002009-01-19T20:48:00.000-06:00Oh shit I forgot about J.C Watts.Oh shit I forgot about J.C Watts.Steve Lattimerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16150473421615296165noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8673413627090761779.post-11874631039854959752009-01-19T20:45:00.000-06:002009-01-19T20:45:00.000-06:00I also believe Ronald Reagan played the Gipper.I also believe Ronald Reagan played the Gipper.Steve Lattimerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16150473421615296165noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8673413627090761779.post-23160501948965028092009-01-19T20:42:00.000-06:002009-01-19T20:42:00.000-06:00/slow clap/slow clapSteve Lattimerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16150473421615296165noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8673413627090761779.post-1563316241439658442009-01-19T19:54:00.000-06:002009-01-19T19:54:00.000-06:00And it's time for the player to be named later. Fr...And it's time for the player to be named later. From Aubrun University, at 6'5", 350 pounds, playing small forward for my politico dream team, The Round Mound of Rebound, "Sir" Charles Barkley.<BR/><BR/>What would make Barkley great? Lots of things. But to put it in perspective of how successfully Barkley fits the American leadership pedigree, I will now examine several traits of Barkley and our most recent two Presidents. So without further ado, why Charles Barkley is ready for the Presidency.<BR/><BR/>From the South:<BR/>Barkley-Yes<BR/>Clinton-Yes<BR/>Bush - Sort of<BR/><BR/>Governor of Southern state:<BR/>Barkley-Has affirmed aspirations to be Governor of Alabama<BR/>Clinton-Yes<BR/>Bush - Yes<BR/><BR/>Republican:<BR/>Barkley-Yes<BR/>Clinton-No<BR/>Bush - Yes<BR/><BR/>Drinks and drives:<BR/>Barkley-Yes<BR/>Clinton-Probably (find me a southwest Arkansan adulterer that doesn't)<BR/>Bush - Yes<BR/><BR/>Marijuana:<BR/>Barkley-Yes<BR/>Clinton-Yes<BR/>Bush - Yes, but don't tell Cheney<BR/><BR/>Cares about black people:<BR/>Barkley-Yes<BR/>Clinton-Yes<BR/>Bush - No<BR/><BR/>Has been featured in The Simpsons:<BR/>Barkley-No<BR/>Clinton-Yes<BR/>Bush - No<BR/><BR/>Crowd-pleasing gimmick:<BR/>Barkley-Weighs self on national tv<BR/>Clinton-Plays saxophone on national tv<BR/>Bush - Blows shit up on national tv<BR/><BR/>Articulate on national tv?:<BR/>Barkley-Depends on your definition<BR/>Clinton-Yes<BR/>Bush - No<BR/><BR/>Has visited Alabama Governor's Mansion:<BR/>Barkley-"They don't let many black people in the governor's mansion in Alabama, unless they're cleaning." (actual quote)<BR/>Clinton-Yes<BR/>Bush - Yes<BR/><BR/>Blames things on Bill Clinton:<BR/>Barkley-"Man, everything gets blamed on the Clintons, every single thing in this world. I think Bill Clinton shot JFK, too."<BR/>Clinton-N/A<BR/>Bush - Yes<BR/><BR/>Parenting:<BR/>Barkley-On his 17-year old daughter not dating yet: "Thank goodness. I just hope she doesn't start before I go in the Hall of Fame. That way, I won't have to kill anybody before I get inducted."<BR/>Clinton-Daughter went to Harvard<BR/>Bush - Push.<BR/><BR/>On Monica Lewinsky:<BR/>Barkley-"I had to explain to my daughter why that skank Monica Lewinski has an hour special on HBO this weekend."<BR/>Clinton-"I did not have sexual relations with that woman."<BR/>Bush - "Restoring honor and integrity to the White House."<BR/><BR/>Has lived in Texas:<BR/>Barkley-Yes<BR/>Clinton-No<BR/>Bush - Yes<BR/><BR/>And finally, four more pertinent Barkley quotes:<BR/>On Enron: "Almost all those politicians took money from Enron, and there they are holding hearings. That's like O.J. Simpson getting in the Rae Carruth jury pool."<BR/><BR/>After retiring from basketball: "I'm just what America needs - another unemployed black man."<BR/><BR/>On education: "When I was recruited at Auburn [university], they took me to a strip joint. When I saw those titties on Buffy, I knew that Auburn met my academic requirements."<BR/><BR/>On Democrats: "Well, when I went off to college, the guys I used to hang with were pumping gas and voting Democrat. Today they're still pumping gas and voting Democrat. Guess the Democrats didn't do much for them."<BR/><BR/>Thank you. Good night.Icehousehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07397555220247230163noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8673413627090761779.post-25841267106052460092009-01-19T17:21:00.000-06:002009-01-19T17:21:00.000-06:00Ok, bear with me.LeBron James. He's about as popul...Ok, bear with me.<BR/><BR/>LeBron James. He's about as popular as anything in the world right now. 24, super-athletic, devoted father, not as sexy as me, but still considered desirable by a decent portion of America.<BR/><BR/>He also knows that people listen when he talks. He always says the right things (See: His claim that if he went to college he would've gone to Ohio State). He endorsed Barack Obama, which is something athletes, specifically NBA players, never do. Did Jordan ever say who he was voting for? Hell no. Shit, Gilbert Arenas told the Washington Post that he WASN'T voting (smooth, Gil. Tell people in the most political town in the world that you don't care about politics).<BR/><BR/>So. To recap. Knows the value of his voice, which is huge. Willing to step against the grain. Hugely popular. Finally, LeBron is the best in the world at one thing: Receiving money from people. Think about it. People fall over themselves to give him money. "LeBron, we want you to dance to Kid n' Play to help us sell auto insurance." That type of thinking doesn't exist for anyone else in the world.<BR/><BR/>So for right now, LeBron is Secretary of the Treasury. His signature's going to be on the money minted during his term, but the IRS is also under his jurisdiction. So you know people will cough up.<BR/><BR/>He will also groom himself for his ascendence to the presidency in 2020.<BR/><BR/>He's also the two guard on my greatest team ever.<BR/><BR/>To recap:<BR/>1-Kevin Johnson<BR/>2-LeBron James<BR/>3-Player to me named later<BR/>4-Grover Cleveland<BR/>5-King XerxesIcehousehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07397555220247230163noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8673413627090761779.post-5611905869130298512009-01-19T17:16:00.001-06:002009-01-19T17:16:00.001-06:00All politicians are great NASCAR drivers.Why?They ...All politicians are great NASCAR drivers.<BR/><BR/>Why?<BR/><BR/>They are great at going around in circles!!!<BR/><BR/>/rim shotSteve Lattimerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16150473421615296165noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8673413627090761779.post-52830042502283928432009-01-19T17:16:00.000-06:002009-01-19T17:16:00.000-06:00King Richard the Lionheart would be great at under...King Richard the Lionheart would be great at underground sword battles.Steve Lattimerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16150473421615296165noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8673413627090761779.post-25946423956365420642009-01-19T17:13:00.000-06:002009-01-19T17:13:00.000-06:00For Frank and Pelosi, Checkers is a worthless game...For Frank and Pelosi, Checkers is a worthless game.<BR/><BR/>Al Franken, well just look at him.Steve Lattimerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16150473421615296165noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8673413627090761779.post-75580530977834649642009-01-19T17:09:00.000-06:002009-01-19T17:09:00.000-06:00Richard Petty took a shot at state rep in Oklahoma...Richard Petty took a shot at state rep in Oklahoma, I think.<BR/><BR/>Whatever. NASCAR isn't a sport, you segregation-loving hicktards.Icehousehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07397555220247230163noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8673413627090761779.post-16623802853749708162009-01-19T17:06:00.000-06:002009-01-19T17:06:00.000-06:00Al Franken would make a sweet rodeo clown.Al Franken would make a sweet rodeo clown.Steve Lattimerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16150473421615296165noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8673413627090761779.post-62942021285763299282009-01-19T17:01:00.000-06:002009-01-19T17:01:00.000-06:00Tom Osbourne.Won back-to-back National Championshi...Tom Osbourne.<BR/><BR/>Won back-to-back National Championships. Now a Senator.Icehousehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07397555220247230163noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8673413627090761779.post-24843751363320038512009-01-19T16:57:00.000-06:002009-01-19T16:57:00.000-06:00Barney Frank and Nancy Pelosi play a mean game of ...Barney Frank and Nancy Pelosi play a mean game of checkers.Steve Lattimerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16150473421615296165noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8673413627090761779.post-84569965615086538792009-01-19T16:56:00.000-06:002009-01-19T16:56:00.000-06:00I'm pretty sure Pacman Jones would be a great lead...I'm pretty sure Pacman Jones would be a great leader of any Eastern European nation, specifically Russia. Anywhere where it's cool to be a drunk and punch your problems away.<BR/><BR/>So yeah. Russia.Icehousehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07397555220247230163noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8673413627090761779.post-22890359209244113832009-01-19T16:28:00.000-06:002009-01-19T16:28:00.000-06:00Well I mean he was a renegade Governor.Well I mean he was a renegade Governor.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8673413627090761779.post-42970857644548568482009-01-19T16:21:00.000-06:002009-01-19T16:21:00.000-06:00Jesse Ventura was more than just a pro-wrestler. I...Jesse Ventura was more than just a pro-wrestler. I didn't forget about him, I was trying to think of an office that would suit his renegade behavior, and also take advantage of his skills as a Navy SEAL, as well as a phenomenal actor (See: Predator).Icehousehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07397555220247230163noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8673413627090761779.post-44757193027781251362009-01-19T16:20:00.000-06:002009-01-19T16:20:00.000-06:00On March 27th, 2008, Evo Morales (President, Boliv...On March 27th, 2008, Evo Morales (President, Bolivia) signed with the La Paz minor league team Litoral.<BR/><BR/>Morales' soccer ability launched his political career. Bolivia's largest coca growers' union named him its head of sports after his performances for a local coca growers' team caught the eye of union leaders. Morales went on to become the union's president.<BR/><BR/>Morales also has had it up to here with FIFA's ban on matches above 10,200 feet. Bolivia's national stadium happens to stand at 11,800 ft above sea level. Last year, Morales led a team to victory against an Argentine squad featuring Diego Maradona.<BR/><BR/>Briefly on Maradona. Drinking, cocaine, womanizing, born-again Christian? Check. Sounds an awful lot like W to me. Except that pop-culture songs about Maradona are positive (See: "Si yo fuera Maradona" by Manu Chao. See Also: "Wishing" by Pete Rock and Edo G).Icehousehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07397555220247230163noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8673413627090761779.post-48327419379029698892009-01-19T16:15:00.000-06:002009-01-19T16:15:00.000-06:00Can't believe I forgot this one.Jesse "The Body" V...Can't believe I forgot this one.<BR/><BR/>Jesse "The Body" Ventura.<BR/><BR/>Pro Wrestler.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8673413627090761779.post-78936268638509356552009-01-19T16:13:00.000-06:002009-01-19T16:13:00.000-06:00Wasn't George W a cheerleader as well?Wasn't George W a cheerleader as well?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com