Thursday, January 8, 2009

Informant: Bob Ley Has Sex With Children


In response to an Outside the Lines report that implicates Adam "Pacman" Jones of ordering some people to shoot at others, I decided to do my own research. I found an informant that uncovered some horrifying truths about Ley and the OTL staff.

I met with an informant earlier today, and he has informed me that Bob Ley has sex with children.

As it turns out, Ley, and several members of the Outside the Lines staff used the company credit card to charter a plane to Thailand, where each member of the party engaged in sexual relations with one or more children under the age of 10 years old.

More disturbing, as ESPN is owned by Disney, it is Disney's dollars that contributed to the sodomizing of dozens of underage Thai boys.

My informant also asserts that Ley was the ringleader of the group. He even engaged bullying tactics to those who might have detracted from the group. According to my informant, Ley called people, "pussies," "fags," and "limpdick pillowbiters" if they showed the slightest aversion to the abuse of corporate funds, the abuse of drugs, or the abuse of unwilling asian juvenile male participants.

On the cusp of the release of the story that has, in effect, ruined Adam "Pacman" Jones's career, my informant asserts that there is no possible way that Ley, or any of his staff could have possibly done any credible investigative journalism when they were balls/elbow/ankle deep in Asian boys for the entirety of the Christmas and New Year's holidays. Furthermore, considering the cocktail of drugs [which includes, but is not limited to: heroin, cocaine, crack-cocaine, methanphetamines, ecstacy, sextacy, marijuana, Schaefer, Pearl, and Falstaff beers, V, and several assorted opiates] that each member was forced to ingest at Ley's behest, the members of the party were to strung out, hungover, or withdrawn to possibly even make a phone call since their return from Thailand.

All told, according to my informant, there is no possible way that the Outside the Lines staff could have done any meritous investigation whatsoever, due to Ley's penchant for sex with 8 year old Thai boys. My informant says that Jerry Jones, or any owner would be wise to sign Adam "Pacman" Jones as quickly as possible, as the upcoming Outside the Lines story will have about as much use to Bob Ley as condoms on the aforementioned trip, which is to say none. According to my source, Ley flew into a tirade when protective measures during sex were suggested, resulting in the erotic asphyxiation of one of the children.

5 comments:

  1. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM GOES THE DYNAMITE!

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  2. TW did you write this you Bastard!

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  3. TW was actually on this trip with these guys. Not to fear though TW doesn't get "ankle deep" in 10 yr old boys...he gets ankle deep in 10 yr old girls because you can pull their hair pack and pretend they're 10yr old boys and switch back again...it's like having your own 10 yr old trani


    TW you really are a sick bastard

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  4. whoa nelly, libel is in the house.

    ReplyDelete